Hello. I am contacting you, requesting your services. You see, Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny will be on vacation for awhile so I could not ask them. The only other person I can think of is you. I know this doesn't usually fall under your job description. Usually you just spread patriotic spirit and a go get em' attitude in times of war and such. Also you do an excellent job sporting striped pants. I gotta say, there are not too many men that can pull that off. Anyway, I was wondering if you could add gift giving to your list of responsibilities. I think that shoes are an excellent thing to give for the 4th of July. I realize of course that the 4th of July does not usually involve gift giving. But I would like to change that. I propose that we all get a new pair of shoes for the 4th of July. Why you ask? What does this have to do with America?
Well, I will tell you.
1. The Revolutionary War Patriots wore shoes.
2. George Washington wore shoes.
3. In every picture I see of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence they are wearing shoes.
4. You have to wear shoes when you go to vote.
5. "No Shirt-No Shoes-No Service" is part of the American Vernacular.
6. Do I really need to point out that the United States has two s's, and so does "shoes."
7. It is a very bad idea to play with sparklers without shoes, in case you have to run for your life. Or in case sparks land on your feet.
8. Abraham Lincoln also wore shoes.
9. You don't want to eat watermelon without shoes. There is nothing more annoying than sticky toes.
10. And finally, one should wear shoes walking around the bathroom at a public pool.
As you can see I offer a convincing argument.
You can send these shoes to me in the mail, just like I send my taxes to you in the mail.
They are Steve Madden, just in case you don't have time to get little elves together to make shoes in time for this 4th of July.
Yours Truly,Melissa
Former Miss USA
3 comments:
Maybe you should throw a 4th of July party that is gold-shoe themed. That way you'd need them to be a good hostess. Just brainstorming here. And while you've got Uncle Sam's ear, maybe you could ask him to send me my tax return? We are due to get the first time home buyer credit but they are sitting on it for as long as possible because they are jerks. The Easter Bunny is much more reliable.
This reminds me of Uncle Sam at the catered bbq at the last family reunion/Grandma's 90th birthday party. Remember that guy? He went all out. Maybe he will buy you some shoes!
was this the caterer guy? I don't remember him in costume. I just remember hi coming out of the bathroom and then serving us food without washing his hands first.
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