I'm sure you've seen this.




But have you seen this?

Don and I would like to get in on some of the great deals on housing, courtesy of the lousy economy. So we were looking around and we found these classy amenities. Whoa! I had to take a second look to realize this was not Glacier National Park! How tranquil!

I think this tree is beautifully done as well. I like how the tree starts halfway up the wall. Beware. If a house ever lists "custom paint" that is code for, "what the heck were we doing?" Just so you know.

Dear House,
We need to have a talk. I have noticed lately that you seem to be turning against me. This leaves me asking, "why?" I have been good to you. In fact, you owe me. You are who you are, because of me. I am like the wind beneath your wings. But lately you haven't been flying so high. In fact, you have been flying very low. Very low indeed. In fact, I am angry with you. I have considered lighting a match and walking away. But I am not ready to give up yet. That is why I am writing you this letter. Hopefully such drastic measures do not need to be taken, if you would just shape up! Let's walk down memory lane for a moment.
Remember when you were sporting "custom paint"? Only a true friend would take you aside and tell you this hue of pink was really not your color. Remember how I so lovingly taught you how to play up your best assets? Those frames are mine. And if you don't shape up, I am taking them back.

Instead you have allowed horrible creatures to invade you and turn me into the plague. Some of our mutual friends won't even visit me anymore because of you.

Remember how we turned your rocky exterior...

Into well...dead grass...BUT REMEMBER...you were green once! If you hadn't had let yourself go...you only have yourself to blame.Remember how we planted trees,and painted your door red? Remember?! Remember?! We fixed you up, and how do you repay us? You make it so your toilet doesn't flush. And of course how could I forget the kitchen! You were nothing before me!


But what do you go and do? Stop up your sink every week and then break your water faucet. How am I supposed to do dishes now? Or cook? And with bugs you allowed in, I can't even catch up with laundering. Dishes and laundry everywhere. And nothing I can do about it! I am fed up with you. You are an absolute disaster. And no matter how hard I try, it seems I get no respect from you. You just do something else that is vindictive.

Well consider this your warning, house. Last night I had a dream and we moved to a different house. And it was wonderful! (except for the part in the dream where Don had another wife and we had to share the house, that was not so wonderful).

I hope this relationship can be prepared, and that this is just a little misunderstanding. You've been a good little house in the past...it is just lately...

Sincerely,

Melissa

This would be entitled,
"Cute Chloe Stories."
As opposed to:
"Messes Chloe Makes."

I don't really think anyone is interested, but then again, I don't think anyone was interested in knowing about my bedbugs either, but that subject has taken up about 5 blog posts. And probably more in the future. This post is for me. And future Chloe.

I. Chloe's favorite book right now is "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." We have our night time routine that she loves. It involves reading a book in the dark with a flashlight. She will not allow the book to be read without the flashlight. And then we sing some songs. She requests the "bunny song" (not sure if I am singing the right bunny song), the ABC's and Twinkle Twinkle. This is the only time she allows me to sing. When we are in the car and I sing she says, "No singing! No singing!"
(This is a nice picture of Chelsey too)

II. Whenever Chloe sees a Sequoia SUV, she says "Loma!" Loma is her cousin and her mom drives a Sequoia. This never ceases to amaze me. I have no idea what kinds of cars other people drive.

III. She loves old Disney movies. I just introduced her to "Snow White." I noticed the other day though, that when it gets to the part where the witch is being chased, she went up to the tv and turned it off. And then stood there for a few moments and then turned it on, and then off again. Then she walked away. I said, "Is that scary Chloe" And she said, "Yes. Scary."

So that's good. She can edit her own movies. Will save me a lot of time.

Juuuuuuuust kidding!

IV. Her favorite outfit is her "fwower" outfit. I bought this outfit for her a year ago but she didn't care about it back then. For some reason she is now in love with it. She requests everyday to wear it. And I told her on Sunday to go put some toys in her backpack for church. And what did she put in her backpack? The "fwower" outfit. And then she of course tried to change her clothes in the middle of church.
IV. Frequent conversations between us:

Me: "You did?!"

Chloe: "I did!"

Me: "You are?!"

Chloe: "I are!"

Me: "You were?!"

Chloe: "I were!"

Bed Bugs Update

I know you are all dying for a Bed Bug update.

First, I would like to tell you some delightful little facts I have learned about Bed Bugs:
*They can survive up to 18 months without eating!!! So you can't just move rooms for a month and they will all die.
* They administer an antiseptic before they bite you, so you don't feel it! They are really very considerate bugs!
* They can hide in virtually any dark hidden place, INCLUDING your clothes dresser, behind frames on your wall, basically anywhere.
*They leave little traces behind that look like black ink. It is actually their poop...or...your digested blood!

Well these are just some fun little facts about my favorite insect!

They must be leftover from one of the plagues in the Bible.

I have no problem with using the word "hate" when I say...I hhhhhhhhhhhhhhate them.


I decided I would try to eradicate them myself by visiting my local Home Depot and buying 30 dollars worth of insecticides.
I just cannot fork over 400 bucks for a professional. Not yet at least.
The thought of 400 bucks being spent on these horrid creatures just brings a tear to my eye.

I had an exterminator come and check out my house.
And as I suspected, no evidence of them being here was found.

Today I went about my pest control job.
I took all the stuff out from under my bed.
I had some old curtains underneath there, and what do you know, I found me a live one.
So I threw those away.
And then I found a dead one on my wedding photo album. How quaint.
But that is all I have found so far.
It makes me wonder what other obscure place they might be hiding.

But rest assured, they WILL be gone.
They are not welcome in the Mortensen house.
And I make sure as I am spraying I let them know this, by shouting,
"Die! Die! Die!"

I have no problem with saying that either.

Family Pictures

I can't believe it has been a year since I had our last family pictures.
This year I roped my brother into taken pictures.
And once again I learned a few things:
1. It is practically impossible to get a shot with everyone smiling.
2. It is practically impossible to get a picture without someone having a double (or quadruple) chin
3. It is practically impossible to get a toddler to stand still AND smile.
4. We are fatter than we used to be.
5. Kids are way more photogenic than adults.

Did you watch this?
My favorite performance of the whole night.
Absolutely beautiful.


PS Can someone tell me what this song is about though?
I really like it, but to tell you the truth, I don't get the lyrics.
All you English Majors this is your big chance.
5 dollars to whoever can tell me.
No serious.
Okay not 5 dollars. But I will mail you something cool.
I'm serious.

1. Don told me we should get a bunch of spiders and let them loose in the house.
Then they can eat the bed bugs.
And then we will kill the spiders.
Which will be cheaper than killing the bed bugs.
This keeps getting worse.

2. Chelsey:
"Adults don't tell other adults what to do. Only married people tell each other what to do.
And marriage is gross."

You know how much it is going to cost to get sprayed for bed bugs?
$400

Do you know why I get bit more than Don?
I'm not.
My body just has a stronger allergic reaction.

This is because I am dainty.
I am sure it is passed down from my rich ancestors who never worked outside, and therefor never developed immunity to bug bites.

I descended from royalty you know.

Yes royalty.
The ones who got on boats cause they were really poor and came to America for a new life.

Actually. I am pretty proud of them.
I don't know if I would have gotten on a big boat and sailed over here.
There were probably bed bugs on those boats.

PS The exterminator told me that I am going to have to take all the clothes out of my dressers and put them in bags.
Because did you know that bed bugs do not limit themselves on distances they are willing to travel?
Yes.
They could be hiding in my dressers.
Or in wooden hangers.
Basically anywhere dark.

Which I have to tell you, is some of the worst news I have received today.
I have told you about my hatred of putting clothes away after they are washed, right?

If I ever have any guests I hope you won't mind that I am spraying you down with pesticides before you are granted entrance.
This experience has made me extremely paranoid.
And itchy.

I need Sherlock Holmes.

Do you know him?
Could you send him my way?

Here are the clues:
1. Bugs don't bite Don
2. Bugs bite me, even if I have clothes covering those areas. Try to wrap your head around that.
3. We took apart our bed that I got bit in, and found no evidence of any bed bugs, except the one live bug scurrying across the sheets. You would think we would be able to find more-but no. Absolutely nothing.
4. None of the other beds or furniture show any sign of foul play either.
5. Sitting on couch on 2 separate occasions and both times got bit. First time there were 7 bites. Second time, four bites, on my arm, when I was wearing long sleeves. Don was sitting right beside me. And no. Nothing bit him.
6. Tore apart my couch AGAIN and found nothing.
7. Put entirely clean sheets on my bed last night. And in the morning found a single bed bug skeleton in plain sight. Again. Explain that. Clean sheets. Old bug. How??????
8. Now that I think about it, I have been having problems with bug bites in general for the past 6 months. Some of the bites would swell up and get hot. That has never happened to me before. I have never had allergic reactions to bugs. But SOMETHING was biting me that my blood did not like.

It is honestly one of the most frustrating things to be getting bit constantly but to not be able to figure out why.
I just had my carpet steam cleaned so I don't think anything could be living in the carpet.
I don't know what or how to clean things when I see nothing to clean!

Honestly I think I must be going crazy. Perhaps I am imagining this whole thing for attention.

No I am not.
If anyone knows anything helpful...
Now I am wondering if some invisible bug is living in my house and is what has been causing me problems all along.
I honestly don't know how I could be any cleaner.
Except to just take a match a light everything on fire.
As you can tell. I am feeling rather desperate.

They're Baaaaaaaack!!!

(Title to be said in a horror movie type of voice, with like a higher pitch on the first few "a's" followed by a lower pitch on the last few.)

I am ticked off.

Well actually, bed bug off-ed.

Yep. We are officially the nastiest family in America.

I thought the Kardashians or the Lohans had us beat. Well at least on skanky behavior.

I would like to call your attention to the time.

I was having a lovely dream, but I was awaken by the intense urge to scratch my skin off.

And my face was warm.

After putting it off as long as I could... (you know, like when you have to pee while you are asleep and you keep going to the bathroom in your dream, but for some reason you don't feel better, and then you wake up and realize your bladder is going to explode. You know, kinda like that...)

...I got up and looked at myself in the bathroom.
Sure enough I had bites all over my arms and a nice big one on my face.

"What in the sam hill!!" I said.
I just changed the sheets this afternoon.

There is no way the bed bugs are back, I reassured myself.

Every time I get a bug bite, I check just to make sure.

Well what do you know, our guardian angels made Don look at just the right time, and wam bam, there was a little bugger scurrying across my freshly washed sheets.

If I swore, this is where I would insert a choice word.

So once again, we looked and looked and looked. And found evidence of only the one.

I cannot believe it.
Please someone vouch for me that I am not a gross person.
I mean sometimes my laundry stays longer than it should without being put away, but I am really good at washing stuff.

And you know what the weird thing about it all is?
I am the only one that gets bit.
Don never has any bites.
I always have these random bites, which I am now realizing could in fact be from one rove bed bug whose sole mission is to ruin my life.

Which I guess the lesson in all of this is...
Don's blood is unclean.

Good night.
Don't let the bed bugs bight.
Because if they do, you will probably never, ever, ever be able to get rid of them.

Oh my heavens looked at what I stumbled across today.

Wow.

I am spray painting a fan in Chloe's room, and I was looking for a before picture.

Hence this little beauty.

And then it made me ponder...

Is it possible to not look incredibly awkward when you are pregnant?

I guess some people manage to pull it off...

Angelina Jolie...

That's all I can think of.

Wait, wait, wait!!!

No offense to all my pregnant friends, past, present and future!

You all look (ed) Be-yute-ih-ful!!!!

I. Well this might come as a surprise.

But I have nothing interesting to blog about.

But just my usual random thoughts that I like to write because...well , because I like to have conversations with myself.

Having conversations with yourself is actually rather nice, because no one disagrees with you. And you can give yourself pats on the back for being so smart.

Except there are the times where you argue with yourself. You know, where you think you think something, and then halfway through, you decide you disagree with your current thought.

Does this happen to you?

Because it does to me. And I find it rather embarrassing.

For example, in church yesterday I started making a comment about something and halfway through, I had this voice in my head say, "what are you talking about. "

And then I wanted to retract my statement, but it was too late. I just carried out my comment and then I just sat there for the rest of the meeting feeling stupid.

I hate it when this happens.

II.

Also.

I read today about some child actor posing almost nude for a magazine shoot, so that she could be taken more seriously, now that she is an adult.

Why don't we think it is weird that women have to take off their clothes to be taken more seriously?

I mean I realize this only applies to the media world.

Any other job and you would be put in jail.

Imagine.

What if you were applying for any other job and the boss said, "You will need to take your clothes off so I can take you more seriously."

When women are wearing no clothes I am sure men are thinking, "Wow, what a talented actress."

I think it is very weird.

III.

I am going to learn how to sew ruffles so that I can make this:

1. I think I am obsessed with ruffles.


2. What does "woot, woot" mean?
I notice many people write this. I suppose it means "Woo Hoo" or "Yeah" or an exclamation of joy.
But I have never heard any one in real life say "wooT wooT."
I suppose I could wikepedia it.
But maybe one of you could help me out.

Thanks.

Dear Mom,
I decided I am going to learn how to sew. Mostly because Don got me a sewing machine for Christmas. I never really gave much thought to learning how before Don gave it to me. But then once it was in my house, I thought it was in fact a very good Christmas gift. And a very good hobby to take up.
Also, I did not want to deal with customer service at Wal-Mart. So I am keeping it.

My first project is a duvet cover I have been coveting for quite some time.

With the help of my sister in law, it might not look too crappy.

I had my first sewing lesson today. I am sorry I did not listen to you 15 years ago when you tried to teach me. But why would I want to learn when you could do it so much better and faster, FOR me? The word "for" looks very strange in caps. And I am second guessing whether that is in fact a word. It is strange how your own language can look foreign when placed in caps.

Anyway. My lesson today was pretty much how I remember sewing was 15 years ago.
1. Spend 2 hours in the fabric store. 2. Make your brain hurt trying to think of how much fabric you need 3. Children hate the fabric store. (Instead of me tugging on your pants, I now have Chloe to give me my due reward for past indiscretions. Oh I am so sorry Mom. Oh, and also for not doing the dishes when you asked. You are right. I have learned my lessons. I HATE dishes just like you probably did. No wonder you tried to pawn them off on us. You were probably trying to teach us how to work too or something. Unfortunately it didn't work out so well.)
Back to my list.
3. Nothing works. 4. 4 hours later you leave without anything accomplished, except for learning once again how to thread the needle and pull the bottom thread up where it is supposed to go. This is about all I pick up on in the decade annual sewing lessons I get.

But I want you to know that I am not giving up. I am going to be a good little sewer. Because darnit. I want that duvet.
One time I wanted a Christmas tree so bad that I bought it, transported and set it up all by myself while Don was out of town. Because you see when it comes to my decorating aspirations, I don't give up quite as easily as I would with let's say...a poofy dress...that I am pretty sure you sewed entirely by yourself but I tried to take the credit for at church.

I just thought you might want to know. Because maybe you think it is cool that I am trying to do something you tried to get me to do. As a Mother now, I know that would make me exceedingly happy.
Love,
Melissa

The Story of the Meat Peddler

I.
Chloe: I wan baby siser.
Me: Okay Chloe. But it is going to take 10 months. Okay?
Chloe: Okaaay!

II.
Michael Buble is coming to Phoenix.
Hint. Hint. Don.

III.
I think I am going to barf.
I stole some meat from my Dad's house tonight.
Some travelling meat salesman sold my Dad a freezer full of meat.
Among them, hamburger patties.
They looked thick, juicy, individually packaged, and in a fancy cardboard box.
I thought we were in for a real treat tonight.
Don fired up the grill.
And masterfully placed the additional fixings.
And then he took a bite...
And said:
"This is not a hamburger. I know hamburgers. I am an expert on hamburgers, I eat them at least twice a week."
And I tried mine. And said:
By golly. This is the worst hamburger I have ever had in the entirety of my life.
I don't even know how to describe the meat.
But some of our descriptions involved:
hot dogs, sausage, McRibs, Old leftover nasty meat scraps, completely greaseless and juiceless, and looked like a hat after it was cooked.
So I made some cookies to try and make me forget.

And I called my Dad.
And he looked on the fancy cardboard box, and guess what.
The label had been ripped off.
Fancy that.
S-C-A-M-M-E-D.

Sigh.

And then as I was walking by my kitchen table, my hand inexplicably pushed our last remaining glass on to the tile floor and ...smash. Good-bye last remaining glass. Okay, second to last remaining glass.

And that is what went on today.

To whomever gave Don the flu:

I am very upset with you. Next time, could you please keep your germs to yourself.

This means I forbade you from ever breathing in his general vicinity again or touching things in general. Also if you could stay in your house forever, because you might be contagious without even knowing you are contagious.

Although my sympathies go out to you, you must have been miserable as well, a couple weeks ago.

Sincerely,

Melissa



Friday night we almost went out to eat. But then Don had a coughing attack and told me he didn't know if he could make it through dinner respectfully.

Which was okay with me because we got Chinese food instead and we (I) watched our new Netflix "A Room With A View."

By the way. I loved the movie up until the point that someone died. Yes, I am sorry I ruined the movie for you. But it is better you know now, than to be suckered punch after 2 hours of romantic bliss.

Oh, by the way, a note to whomever wrote this new version. In the book and in the original movie, no one dies and it is a very pleasant ending.

Why on earth would you change this?

I despise you for this.

Not really, I mean I don't really know you. But it was a very mean thing to do.

Don didn't bother watching the movie. He has seen one too many period type pieces and simply stated, "I am not watching this movie. The woman is wearing a hat. I don't watch movies where the women wear hats."

This is his way of saying he does not like Period Pieces.

I am NOT talking about a woman's time of the month, if you are confused.

And Don certainly wouldn't be speaking of such an inappropriate topic either.

Instead I will just mention it on my blog.

That is the proper thing to do.



Tonight we had some "people" over for dinner. And I made the mistake of asking if they liked onions.

And they told me "no."

So then I did the polite thing and picked out their delicious caramelized onions out of their sandwich.

It was sort of heart wrenching.

People.

If you don't like onions, you really should learn.

Because they can turn the ordinary into something extraordinary.

Like a gargantuan bow on a new baby's head.

Oh wait, that is the opposite.

I plead guilty on that account.

Next time around though, if it is a girl, I commit to making the bows AT LEAST smaller than her head.

And that is my lecture for the night.

So I have never seen "Wicked," only heard that it is the most awesome Broadway show of all time forever and ever. Something like that.

But I do like "Glee."
And they sang the Wicked song "Defying Gravity" on one of the shows.
So I you tubed it today and saw the performance of it at the Tony's.
And boy, not saying I could do any better, but whoa, she must have been having an off night.

And Don came in and said, "She's supposed to sound bad right, because she is a witch."
And I said-"NO, I am pretty sure she is not purposely sounding bad."
And then Don said, "No. She is a witch. Witches have crackly voices."
And I said, "No Don. I don't think she is trying to sound like a witch. The old cat in "Cats" sings "Memory" and she doesn't try to sound like an old cat. Can you imagine if she did? That would be wretched. Have you ever heard an old cat meowing? I could do it for you if you were here. It sounds like, "rrarrrrrweeeeow." Something like that.

Anyway. Who is right? Me? Or Don. Any Wicked fanatics who can speak on this subject....

Oh in case you didn't know...

I hang with famous people. Alvin Adams.
Walter Davis. Oh and Melanie. She is famous in my eyes. Celebrity is funny isn't it? I mean just cause they might be more talented, better looking, smarter...doesn't mean we aren't all special too.
It must be weird to be famous. I'm glad I'm not. I quite enjoy being a nobody. And anyway, I am a legend in my own mind. But these famous basketball players were very, very nice by the way. They deserve to be famous for being nice. Oh, and really good at basketball.

By the way. You are unique. Just like everybody else.
This is a good statement for your self esteem.

I was also in Sports Illustrated once. The swimsuit edition. Perhaps you remember.
Oh and in other news.

Don has the flu. And has been acting completely un-Don like. As in watching day time game shows like Family Feud.

Also,

I am not sure what to do with this kid's hair. She has a poof on top, and poofs on the sides.

Getting Back to "Normal"

Welp. The holidays are officially over. Out of town friends and family are all back to their own towns. And we are back to the daily grind. But I think I am ready to be. I am a little holiday-ed out. As fun as it was...I am glad to get things back in order. You know, I can't even remember the last time I went real grocery shopping. And I am even more perplexed by what we have been living on. All I know is we must have been eating something, because none of the Mortensens are wasting away. This is what my fridge looked like before. There was seriously nothing to eat. Unless you like your condiments straight up. I know one person that does...Chloe eats ranch and ketchup like it is going out of style. I went to the grocery store today and now my fridge looks happy again.

This new year I am going to get back to cooking for my family.
And I am renewing my old goals from last year.
Funny, I haven't mastered them yet.

But this year I am also going back to basics like:
1. Brushing my teeth before bed. And even flossing.
After part of my tooth fell out after eating some Mongolian beef, I decided I had better start practicing better oral hygiene.
2. Washing my face before I go to bed.


And then there are those that might take some more effort like:
3. Get Chloe to listen to me.
4. Get Chloe to sleep like a responsible 2 year old.
5. Do my laundry.
6. Put away my laundry.

Well this is by no means a complete list.
I know you all think I am perfect and all, but I actually have a lot of things I can improve on.
These are only the ones I am willing to admit to in public.
And if I am willing to admit that I don't floss my teeth, or brush them at night, you can only imagine the other skeletons I am hiding in my closet.
But I resolve to be perfect by 2011.
Because it didn't quite work out this year.
Even though I know you think it did.

New Years in Vegas

You know how I said I hate "Settlers of Catan?"

Well I changed my mind. You know why?

Because I won.

Some people say love changes everything.

I say winning changes everything.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Well anyway.

In case you did not know, this past weekend we rang in the new year. That would be 2010. Holy cow. Shouldn't we be riding hovercrafts by now and flying in our automobiles?

Speaking of "Back to the Future"....

We went to Las Vegas this weekend. You might be wondering what that has to do with the movie. Well, I think Las Vegas is like the future in "Back to the Future II." You know when Biff is Marty's dad and his mom is all liquored up and Biff owns like the whole town.

Now that we are on the same page....



I am talking about THE STRIP. Not Vegas as a whole. And I have to tell you. I think that Vegas might not be my scene. Because:

1. I don't smoke

2. I don't drink

3. I don't gamble

4. I don't believe women should be skanky.

5. I think men should behave like gentleman.

6. I don't believe that what happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas. Example: Tiger Woods.

7. Eating at too many buffets makes me cranky because I get bloated and my digestive system basically stops working. TMI. Probably.

Well I figure you get the point.



Now, for the Positive Polly, and not the Negative Nelly, I will say it was fun to go to Vegas for Don's cousin's wedding. He got married New Years Day at the Paris Hotel. We left early, early New Years morning. So our New Years Eve was spent rather lamely by packing and such. But we did go to a fun party earlier at the Sutherland's house. I think I am getting too old to stay up till midnight anyway.

Oh, by the way, Las Vegas is the number 2 place to spend New Years. And this I don't even need to google to verify. How do I know? Because it took us an hour to get to the wedding which was only 2 miles away from our hotel. Oh, and we missed the wedding. Oh dang, there is Negative Nelly again.

But no problem. Because we got to talk and see everyone while we waited in the buffet line for an hour and 15 minutes. Oh, for future reference Melissa, DO NOT where your black pointy toe shoes. And even the Bride and Groom waited in the line. Which I thought was a sin. If there should be one time in your life when you don't have to wait in a line, it should be on your wedding day.

Chloe entertained herself with this fake light post. And entertained other people by running full speed away from me in the opposite flow of traffic while her exhausted mother chased her down in pointed toe black shoes. This was not one of my shining moments.Chloe practicing her Broadway number. These would be her jazz hands. The happy couple in the middle. Oh, I mean the sides.

We did finally eat at the buffet, thank you Uncle Frank, and it was magnificent. Don ate so much that he couldn't button his last button. Why is this blue and underlined. Help. This is another Broadway routine she has been working on. It is one of the more dramatic numbers.This is how I felt while we waited for our car to be valeted to us. Is valeted a word? I highly doubt it. Well lookie there, it doesn't come up on spell check. I am a genius.But then Don made me smile for the picture. This is my fake smile. If I ever make this smile to you, it is fake. Now you know.

That night we had some fun as we watched the Bride and Groom cut the cake in a hotel room and then we went to the Bellagio and saw the dancing water and spectacular inside Christmas garden display. And those were pretty impressive.

Oh did I mention it was also Don's birthday? Ya...we didn't really do anything to make Don feel special. I offered to get the wedding party to sing him Happy Birthday, but he nixed the idea. He said it would be like my Michael Scott moment. Whatever. Good thing Don doesn't get bothered if people don't swoon and sway over him.

The next day we ate at another buffet and my pants got even more uncomfortable and Don and I talked about losing weight. And then we ate some more.

Oh! But you know what was super cool? They had this little booth that sold pearls right out of the oyster. And I got myself one! I picked the oyster and then we cracked it open. And what do you know, there was a little pearl in there. I have never actually seen where they come from in person. I thought it was uber exciting.

And then our whirlwind trip came to an end. A long end.

It took us 9 hours to get home. It normally takes 5.

It took us 3 hours to go 30 miles. It was all the Hoover Dam's fault. The powers that be are building a huge bridge that will speed traffic up once it is finished, but until then it is a little two way highway across. We noticed that the pedestrians were slowing things quite a bit and Don remarked, "The don't need to build that huge bridge, just build a little pedestrian bridge over the crosswalk. Problem solved." I laughed so hard I cried. But something not that funny will get you going when you have been going 5 miles per hour for three hours straight.

And that my friends, was our New Years.