You know, Halloween is fun. But Halloween can be stressful. This year I remembered why I don't ever bother wearing a costume, or participate in the trunk decorating for our church trunk or treat. It is only stressful because I wait until last minute. Words to the wise:Don't try to decorate your trunk and find costumes with a total of 2 hours to devote to the cause. Because then you might become frustrated when you realize what your costume really needs is a blue cape. Or a mid nineteenth century dress. Because chances are, you probably won't have those lying around in your house, unless you belonged to a weird club in High School. Oh wait, I did. Nevermind. Also, chances are you probably won't have ocean paraphernalia lying around either to turn the back of your car into the "Under the Sea" destination you imagined in your head.
But you can try your darnedest and be very proud of your very mediocre results. In case it wasn't completely obvious, Don is Prince Eric, Chloe is Ariel, and I am Ursula (The one who tried to marry Prince Eric). Geez, I can't believe you couldn't guess that instantaneously.
Lovely.
Also lovely.
But she really was lovely.

Halloween 2010-Little Mermaid. Uh, terrible picture. Too bad I forgot to take any more. I swear she does not have a mullet.

2009-Butterfly
2008- Flower Fairy
2007-Flower Fairy. You can see I had an obsession with winged creatures.
PS Melissa-Why do you have only one picture of Chloe's first Halloween? Lame.

Have I ever mentioned that my Mom was an incredibly talented seamstress? My Mother made us our Halloween costumes.


Unfortunately for these children, so did their Mothers.

I googled images for "Little Mermaid" and these came up, and well, I thought they were sort of hilarious. Let's be honest, The Little Mermaid is probably the hardest Princess costume to recreate. How do you make a Mermaid modest, realistic, and warm?
Well the Mortensen family is going to be characters from the Little Mermaid this year. I am not quite sure how, I am sure it will be rather pathetic, considering we need costumes tonight and I am just barely getting around to thinking about it. Most likely we will have crappy costumes and then we will just wear name tags so people can tell what we are. That's how we roll over here.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! It is 90 degrees...but HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Pants. Pants?

I showed up to a party the other day, and I decided to do something special.

I wore pants.

And my friend said, "Wow. I think this is the first time I have ever seen you wear pants."

And it was most likely true.

I never wear pants. I find them uncomfortable. It is probably because I don't have the right pants. And let me tell you, if I thought finding the right pants was hard before, it is quadruply hard now.

My pants criteria:
1. Not too tight.
2. Not too baggy.
3. Must have some stretch in it.
4. Must not stick like cellophane to my derriere and thighs. That makes me feel very annoyed. And sad. And no one likes to be around me when pants are having this kind of bad influence on me. Just ask Don.
5. Oh and must be affordable. ****Which it seems to be impossible to find a pair of pants that fits these criteria and only cost $5.
6. Does not make my bottom look like I need a sign on it that says "wide load."
7. Makes me feel skinny. (Also, might be impossible at this point)

And there is why I never wear pants. But I really want to. Because sometimes a girl wants to dress up. (And in my case dress down).

What do you think of these pants?
Don't you think if the model has a wide bottom in these pants there is no hope for the rest of us? And by the rest of us, I mean me. Sorry to lump all of you my friends into the wide load category. I think you all have very, very nice backsides. So does Don.
Juuuuuust kidding.

Every night when I pick up my house, I find babies and things that Chloe has put to sleep. It is probably one of my favorite things she does. It never fails to make me chuckle. Here are a couple examples. I think I will start taking pictures, because she seriously is always putting things to sleep.

Today she put the Hello Kitties asleep. I love that they have a small blanket for covers.

I told Don that she loves to put things to sleep.

He said she should get a job at the State Penitentiary.

I hope none of you were offended by this joke. I know I was.

I just wish that she loved putting herself down for bed as much as inanimate objects.

Oh this is the day her Cousin came over and she had to change her outfit so they would be matching.

Sigh. I love, love, love my Chloe. She brings a smile to my face every single day.

Ouch.

Sunday I was making some potato soup irnoically for a friend who had fallen and couldn't walk, and Chloe was outside flipping out because she couldn't get the watering can out from behind the pool fence. It was really annoying. I must have been distracted by my annoyance of the, "Mommy...GET....IT...OUT!!!" that I forgot how to walk.

As I walked out the back door to my patio I rolled my ankle, and next thing I know I am going down like trillion pound elephant, landing squarely on my left knee. It pretty much killed. I was sure I had sprained one of my ankles, possible both. Luckily on further assessment, ankles were okay. Knee was not.

I am not ashamed to say I sobbed for a good 5 minutes, maybe 10, out of pain and frustration with myself for inexplicably falling.

And then I thought for a minute, uh...hope that didn't do anything to the baby. No matter the fall if you are pregnant you always think about that. Especially me. Because I like worrying. Well I don't know if I like it, but I do it. Often. Something I hope to overcome by the time I am 90, but I am still working on it.

Well I dial up my Dad:
"Dad, I fell."

"what shoes were you wearing?"

"I wasn't wearing any shoes.
Do you think the baby is okay?"

"Oh probably. How did you land?"

"Not on my stomach."

"You are probably okay."

"Well what is the worst that could have happened?"
(Here is where worry wart Melissa comes out)

"Oh, you could have torn the placenta and you would miscarry.
(Oh is that all...)
But you are probably okay."

"Okay."

"You just need to be more careful next time."
(Okay, next time I will just walk out the door instead of seeing how many cartwheels I can do before I get outside)

So I was appeased. But then worry wart Melissa reared her ugly head and so I called my on call Nurse who told me "the universal protocol is that we send you to the hospital to get monitored."

Ugh. Should NOT have called.

So I called my Dad again.

"Dad, do you think I need to go to the hospital to get monitored."

"No. What are they going to do for you there? They can't do anything if something is wrong anyway. You are too early."
(Reassuring and unreassuring at the same time)

So I didn't end up going.
As I am sure you all suspected, baby is fine. I got checked at my regular appointment the next day.
But holy cow my knee hurts.
But oh well, these things happen.
Especially when you happen to be a klutz and pregnant at the same time, it is a very dangerous combination.
That is why I have stopped riding my unicycle and doing cartwheels. And running with knives.
Here's to hoping no more accidents.

Maybe it is just because I live in the desert, but I feel very sorry for this baby. I suppose these would come in handy if you lived in like Alaska or I guess anyplace cold, or if you were traveling by handcart across the United States in the dead of winter.

But I don't think I will be in need of one of these. Ever. Unless there comes a time when we have to travel across the United States in the dead of winter with a handcart.

Then I will buy one. Probably in every color.

I need a new phone.
No, I am not being materialistic, I mean I really need a new phone.
We had dinner with some friends last night.
And his kid had a runny nose, like a full on booger nose, and he picked up my phone, and the Dad said, "Don't touch that phone. It's nasty!"
And I laughed really hard because it is the truth.

I will tell you what happened.
Last weekend Don went on a scout camp out.
And since I was home alone I asked a friend if she wanted to go out to dinner.
She said, Yes! Of course.
So we went to Mimi's.
Newsflash: Mimi's is my favorite chain restaurant of all time.
I am never disappointed.

Since I love Mimi's sooooooo much, I of course had to order the 3 course meal for 12.99.
Which included:
-Carrot Bread
-Salad
-Chicken Parmesan with Alfredo pasta and all sorts of delicious things (except for the Basil. I picked that off. I used to love basil. Until I got pregnant. And now I hate basil. I don't know why. But someday I hope to love basil again.)
-Apple Cobbler and ice cream
-And oh about, 3-4 huge glasses of water. Which is what I think really did me in.

Now. I didn't have this problem with Chloe.
I basically could stuff myself with minimal uncomfortableness.
But this time around I tell you, if too much goes down, it all comes up.

So I thoroughly enjoyed my meal and I knew as soon as I finished it, I was in trouble.
I drove my friend home and as soon as I had some privacy I pulled over in the apartment complex parking lot, found a plastic bag, and well....________ _____.
And I felt significantly better.

That is until I realized there was hole in the plastic bag.
And the ________ _____ had now filled up the entire cup holders, and was quickly spilling over into the crevices underneath my seat.
I was horrified.
Also, the _________ ____ had come out my nose which was somewhat unpleasant.
Oh and I had placed my cell phone in the cup holder so my cell phone was well, swimming.

So I went home and did my best to clean it up.
Which by the way, is not so easy to do when a significant amount made it's way underneath the seat and it is basically unreachable.

So then to make a long and disgusting story short (I am so sorry to anyone who read this)
I tried to clean my phone and in so doing it fell apart.
And then I tried to put it back together with super glue.
And I super glued the keys.
Which kind of stunk.
So anyway.
I need a new phone.

And now you know.

So today I discovered I do not have enough patience to teach a 3 year old and a handicapped sister how to cook at the same time.

I thought it would be a nice activity for all of us to do together.
Correction. I had intended on giving my full attention to my sister Chelsey.
Silly me forgot I have a 3 year old curly red headed daughter who's favorite statements are "I do myself" and "I wanna do it, I wanna do it!"

On the menu was spaghetti and chocolate cupcakes.
Making the sauce was minimally painful.
Their responsibilities were just stirring so besides the occasional flung tomato sauce across the room, I'd say we fared okay.

Then we moved to the cupcakes.
I asked Chelsey to open up the box of cake mix.
Next thing I know the explosion of powdery chocolate lands everywhere but the bowl.
Sigh.
Well I wasn't going to give up.
I salvaged what I could.
I told Chloe to go get the milk as a distraction from her wanting to do the eggs.
There was no way in you know where, anyone else was going to do the eggs.
So she got the milk.
And then while my back was turned I hear, "gulp. gulp, gulp..."
Chloe was standing on a chair pouring a half gallon of milk in the bowl with Chelsey watching idly by.

And that is when I said we were taking a break.
Dang. No cupcakes. And now no milk either.

Patience is a virtue.
...I am still learning.

When did life get so busy?
I feel like I am on a runaway train headed towards Christmas.
But busy is good.
Because before I know it I will have a little ball of pinkness to cuddle and snuggle.
I have been looking at everyone's newborns and feeling giddy.
I never thought that would happen again.
When Chloe was about 6 months I just looked at Moms with newborns and said, "you poor thing."
Isn't that sad?
Well this time I am seasoned and resolve to not be a basket case.

Let me just say that I love the toilet.
Well in comparison to the diaper.
I love not buying diapers.
I love that she takes care of her own messes for the most part.
I do not love that she has to touch every square surface in the toilet area, but the above trade offs are worth it.
And we wash her hands very well.

One time I took Chloe to the bathroom where they had automatic toilets.
She wanted to know why it flushed without any effort of her own.
And since I did not know how to explain "automatic" I just told her the toilet was magical.

So now every time she uses a new toilet she asks me ,"Is this a magic toilet?"

And I say, yes, yes it is. Every toilet is magical.
I don't think there is enough magic in the world today.
And we don't need to pay 80 bucks per person to get into Disneyland to find it.
We find it in simple places. Like restrooms.
We live the simple life.

Did I mention Chloe is taking gymnastic lessons?

And by "lessons" I mean they jump on a trampoline and do somersaults.

It's the kind of gymnastics I would like to do.

To tell you the truth I am a little bummed I don't get to jump into the huge pit of blue foam squares.

One of the first memories I have, is of myself with my head on a mat in a gymnasium and my teacher trying to get me to do a somersault. I was deathly afraid of going upside down. And you know what, that hasn't changed much. I am pretty sure I didn't do the somersault and as I recall that was the one and only gymnastic lesson my Mom made me go to. Clearly she realized if I was afraid of a somersault, gymnastics probably wasn't my thing.

My lovely Mother. Oh how she tried. She tried me in ballet, tap, jazz, drill team, a silly summer musical (excruciating), a kids choir (the "Song Birds"), violin (I actually chose that one, I am sure she was not too thrilled with that choice, as I think learning the violin is probably the most ear wrenching instrument to listen to when someone is just starting out. In fact, it takes YEARS to sound non cryptic on the violin), and piano. It didn't help that I was intensely shy as as child and hating having people look at me. None of the dancing type stuff stuck even though I would LOVE that talent, but I do thank her for all the music lessons.

Moms. Aren't Moms just the greatest?

So here I am. Circle of life. And now our girl is getting to the age where she can start trying her hand at different things.

Don really wanted gymnastics.

And since I am somewhat neutral on the subject, I said, by all means, let's try it out!

Well the first lesson was entertaining for me, but probably rather painful for the teacher.

One thing is for sure, Chloe is not afraid of somersaults, or jumping off high distances.

Her listening skills could be improved upon.

Today she was supposed to be sitting on the ground with the other children, and instead she climbed up on a 4 and a half foot high foam thing and when she was told to come down she just jumped off the side.

Don helped me get her ready today.

He pulled out a long sleeve shirt for her to wear and I said, "Don't you think she will be hot?"

And he said, "Well, the Olympic gymnasts wear long sleeves. Haven't you seen them? All their leotards have long sleeves."

And these are the things that I love about my husband.

And by the way, she ended up wearing long sleeves.

A pink long sleeved shirt with a flower that she insisted on wearing.

And a clashing hue of pink shorts.

But at least she was wearing her long sleeves, which is very important for her high bar routines, and balance beam.

I would hate for her arms to get a rash.

Things are going to change around here.
Ain't no more of this here buniness with 3 people sharing a bed no more (Oh, I just started reading a book about a black slave, I have a hard time not picking up the dialect in books.)

Anyway. I admit it. We have gotten into the very bad habit of letting Chloe sleep in our bed. And I pretty much can't take it anymore.
With my body temperature soaring, the last thing I need is one more body taking over my personal space. Plus I have like 2 feet (as in measurement, not like literal feet, but yes, I do have two of those as well) I can call my own in my bed and it is very uncomfortable. I am going to be needing much, much, much, more width than that in these coming days.
In fact, I am considering kicking Don out as well.
Just kidding.
sort of.
So we need to either get rid of one certain pint size individual with curly red hair and a tendency to put her arm down my shirt as she sleeps, or we need to get a California King Sized bed.
I am not sure which one would be easier, but I am pretty sure which one is more affordable.
Well, I might take that back. Depends on how many Barbies I end up having to bribe her with.
21 days to make a habit?
So three weeks time, 3 barbies, I guess this option really is cheaper.
Don said she would do it for a lot less than a Barbie.
A puzzle perhaps.
I told him he doesn't know our daughter very well.


Well I made this very crafty, Etsy worthy chart. I am considering making a few more and starting my own etsy.com business. You will see I drew a picture of Chloe by herself, sleeping in her own bed.
And then I stuck a picture of a Barbie on the paper to remind her of the carrot promised at the end.
She also asked if I could include a picture of Mommy, Daddy, which I gladly obliged.
And then, she wanted a drawing of her friend Teagan, sleeping in her own bed.
So there you have it.
If you would like to buy one of these from me, just let me know who you want me to draw. However you will find that all of my drawings pretty much look the same.
Although, I can differentiate between curly and straight hair in my pictures, and the length of someone's legs.
Other than that, the people in the drawings will not vary much.
But I think that is part of their charm. Don't you agree?
Please buy one.
Cause I am going to need some money to buy some Barbies.
Chloe seems to be in on this, because she asked for some tape, to which she applied to my masterpiece and hung it up about three feet high on her bedroom door.
So I would say I am halfway to getting a GOOD nights sleep.
I can't wait.



In other news, I was very happy to see the most delicious orange juice on the planet for sale at Albertsons (it really is "my store.") I wish there was not a limit of 2.
Also we had a delightful weekend in St. David, AZ visiting the in laws for Conference weekend. I neglected to take any pictures because well, I kind of stayed in my pajamas all weekend and it was too much work to get the camera out of the suit case.
We had a terrific time though just relaxing, enjoying the cooler weather, Don's parents, and listening to words of wisdom via satellite.
And we are refreshed, renewed and ready to take on Chloe and the case of the too many people in a bed issue.
That is all.