Oh and Liz, this is for you. You probably are the only one who thinks a video of my child is interesting.

PS You will hear my favorite word at the end.

Up through the atmosphere, up where the air is clear!

My husbandola called me from work today and said, "It is windy outside-you should take Chloe out to fly a kite!"
And I said, "I don't know how to fly a kite."
And he said, "How old are you?"
And I said, "Almost 29." (barf)
And he said, "How do you not know how to fly a kite?"
And I said, "Well why don't you come home and show me."

Or something like that.
So he did.
"Child!-Over there!!"

So Don tried to teach me. And I am logistically challenged in most everything, so he told me after a few failed instructions, "Okay, you are not qualified."

So he got Chloe to help instead.

And then he just gave up on both of us.

Once a particularly windy gust came, he really got "Chloe's" kite soaring.

He kept telling Chloe to come over.

But she preferred the swing. "I wanna swing high Mom, swing high Mom!" (No, no, no,Chloe, "swing LOW" Name that movie)
Finally he got her to come over.

Or rather I had to physically transport her there myself.

Things were going rather well until Don said, "Don't let go!" (And I said, "I'll never let go, I'll never let go!!" Name that movie)

And of course...Chloe let go.

And then we (Don) had to try to get the string out of the trees.

Failed.
I told Don it was unfortunate his plight in life is to have two women who don't listen to him.

I (we) don't do it on purpose.

Well at least I don't.

We love our Don.

I love the month of April.
I am so glad it is coming.
Birthdays.
Anniversary.
Parties....

So I am happy.
But I wish this next Monday would roll around sooner.
I have a date with destiny with my OB to see what the heck is going on.
I am glad Easter is this weekend to keep me occupied but man is it really only Tuesday tomorrow?

Patience is not my strong point.
Drives Don crazy that I can't even get home with a pizza without sampling a slice in the car.
Or that I put empty wrappers on the grocery store conveyor belt.
This is probably a result of my parent's poor parenting.
Kidding...that is just the thing these days...you know...blaming your flaws on your parents.
Good thing I am practically perfect, as well as my parents.

Oh except for I am not patient.
As previously mentioned.

Today has been marred in frustration.
I dropped my cell phone and some how it slid underneath my fridge.
I tried to get it out but only managed to cement it's irretrievable position.
Even Don failed at getting it out.
And he is no quitter mind you.

Also:

Melissa's Rental Movie Reviews:
"The Blind Side" Loved it. Poor Sandra.

"Bright Star" Jane Austenish type of movie without any of the humor or happy ending. If you like poetry and melodrama romance than this one is for you.
This one was not for me.

"Ice Castles" This movie requires no comment as the mere title should give away its watchability.

My piano teacher made me play the theme to "Ice Castles" way back when.
This was his idea of pop music.
He frowned upon pop music.
"Pop music is junk music. It is really only 3 chords repeated over and over again."
I got this lecture quite frequently.
He only really liked Bach, Beethoven, Shubert, Shumann, Brahms, etc. etc.
I suppose I should have been exited to get to play a "pop" song.
However I was like 10, and never saw the 70's movie "Ice Castles."
But I believe "pop" music is by nature current.
So Dear Piano teacher, I must disagree that I was allowed to play "pop" music.

I also learned to play "Beauty and the Beast" and "Everything I Do, I Do it For You"...also known as the longest pop song of all time, and the song that you NEVER EVER EVER want to get stuck dancing with the smelly lurpy guy that tells you you have really pretty eyes, and then sings the song to you, while you are dancing to the last song at the church dance.
You know it's true.

Dear Journal,

Our Country is currently in a Civil War of Words....

It is nasty.

I mean really nasty.

But it's politics.

That is why I have a love/hate relationship with it.

I am definitely not politically neutral.
But I don't like to argue (except about nonconsequentail subjects like who makes the best pizza and how expensive shampoo is WAY better than Suave)
And so I try to bite my tongue.
But sometimes it is hard.
And I bet my friends on the other side agree.
Isn't it weird how people you love and respect can have entirely different opinions than you do?

Anyway. I have no solution to this.
Just things that make you go "Hmmmmmmm."

Oh, and I made my Texas Sheet Cake. And it was divine.
No other chocolate cake can compare to its perfect cake to frosting ratio, and how it melts smoothly down your throat like a Krispy Kreme which are practically impossible to get these days, because they all went out of business here.

And that I have no qualms of sharing my opinion about.

Oh, and I might have jumped the gun with my good news.
But I won't be able to tell you for sure for 2 more weeks when I make a return trip to my Doctor.
Long story.
But I am remaining positive.
And now I am realizing the benefits of being able to keep a secret, because otherwise you might look silly as you try to back track.

The End.

I really, Really, Really NEED some Texas Sheetcake.

I have a secret.

And it is very hard for me to keep.

Because I am so excited.

I bet you can guess what the secret is.

Does this count as not spilling a secret?

Green Day. Not the band.

I told my friends these were for my blog, and see, I wasn't kidding. Is it sad that sometimes I take pictures of things for the sole purpose of my blog? Don't answer that. Sometimes when I forget to take pictures of things, I say to myself, dang. Now what am I going to blog about...I know...boring stories about AM/PM and Heidi Montag.
Well we had a St. Patrick's Day picnic to celebrate, because Mormons don't drink spirits and such. Instead we color our food green, or find green things to eat just for the fun of it. I made this,
and "people" liked it. I like using the general term "people." That could mean 2 persons. But if you say "people" it could very well be interpreted as "throngs of people," and so, I use the general term "people." I will let you figure out how many "people" liked it. But I am telling you. You better not steal this recipe and take it to Souper Salad, or I will unfriend you on Facebook. Take that.

My plethora of large brimmed ridiculous hats has returned. It was 85 degrees today and is time again to take care of my delicate flesh.

I love myself a good festive shirt. "Kiss Me I'm American" and you better believe I did.

And as always, Chloe managed to find the most appropriate ensemble for the occasion. Don't you think this is just perfect for a warm day at the park? She wanted to wear tights as well...but somewhere between becoming engrossed with "Dora" and walking to the car, she must have forgotten about them. Um, did I mention it was 85 degrees?

Well, at least she was wearing green.

And she does have red hair.

My little Chloe got back yesterday from her Grandparent's farm.

We missed her.

However I did not miss having our bed to ourselves.

I did not realize how wonderful it was to not have an elbow in my face when I wake up, until I woke up this morning with an elbow in my face.

I kind of got used to not having an elbow in my face.

But I don't mind her lips on my face. As long as I am not sleeping.

Dear AM/PM,
I do not like you.

This is why.

Today I was going to run out of gas so I had no other choice than to frequent your business.

I put in my credit card.
Was asked by your machine, "There is $.45 fee to use card. Do you agree?"
Um....what? Is this 1994 or something?
Well I had no other choice than to agree because I was out of gas.

Next question your machine asks me:
"Do you want a car wash?"
No. I do not. I pushed the appropriate button.
Nothing happened.
Finally machine said "card declined."

So I Repeated process.
Same result.

Went into store for the first time, said machine wasn't working.
Found out machine only takes DEBIT card.
Again...is this 1994?

So I went back out, put my DEBIT card in.
Same thing.
Only this time I never got past:
"Do you want a car wash?"
Dangit!! NO I do not want a car wash! I just want gas, please, please, please give me some already!

Went into store second time.
He just ran my card for me in the store.

Went back outside.
Stuck the nozzle in.
No idea why, but I would get some gas, and then it would click and stop...click and stop...click and stop...
Apparently pump number 4 is possessed.

Went inside for the 3rd time.
Unfriendly sales associate number 2 just informs me I have to push down.
"Ya-that's what I was doing."
I get a blank stare from sales associate.
With obvious irritation seething from ever pore of his body, he reluctantly follows me out to the pump.

Inserts nozzle, "You just press down."
Walks away.

Translation: You are the stupidest girl on the planet and I feel annoyed I even had to be in your presence.

Well sir...I had to go into your store 3 times and I am sorry, I have been to plenty of gas stations, and have never had any of these issues with any of them.
And I am sorry, but that dumb nozzle was not working for me.

Oh and your gas was way more expensive than other the other gas stations too.

Why am I writing this down?
Because they did not have a comment box in their store and I do not like feeling like a moron. I am a paying customer.
And if they did have a comment box, it would probably cost $.45 to tell them how I really feel.
I am not really sure why I am so irked about it....
But now, I feel better.

I don't know what has happened to me. But I have turned crafty or something.
It started with a kind of ghetto pillow case. I put some weird flowers on it. I asked Don if he thought they were weird and he said, "Yes." He was right. So I took them off. Then today I made a dress. My friend Bonnie had this crazy idea to have a sewing party. And a bunch of us made dresses (and ties).

And then I got really crazy and made my friend Leisa's flowers. See her button? "The Sassy Pepper." You too can make these flowers.

The best thing is Chloe loves her dress. Unfortunately we had to fight tonight about her NOT wearing it to bed.

This fabric kills me. It is toille nursery rhymes. Is that how you spell "toille?" Well I am very proud of myself. I am liking this crafty thing. Turns out I am not half bad at it like I thought.

Next thing on my list: finish duvet.

I'm excited to show that off. It is pretty d-o-p-e.

You should try sewing.

If I can do it, you certainly can.

Ate at In-N-Out burger today. Delicious. My friend Heather got her hamburger "Animal" style.
And it looks like their secret menu, is not secret afterall.

Also, I saw this in the internet yesterday. It makes me sad. I mean I obviously don't know her or anything, but I can't imagine anyone purposefully trying to make themselves look "perfect." And sadly enough, trying to make yourself look perfect just makes you look weird.

Culture Pass

Have you heard of Culture Passes?

You get them at the Library and they give you free admission to local cultural type places. ie: museums, galleries, the zoo, etc.

They put them out once a week at the library, and once they're gone, they are gone. You are only allowed to take one venue at a time, but the good ones go fast.

I actually think this is one of the best ideas the Government has ever had. Because I am cheap. And I think it is ridiculous to have to pay $6.50 (or more) for myself to get into a children's museum...as well as $6.50 for my child.

I mean I am entertained because Chloe is entertained, but why do adults have to pay that much? We can't ride the tricycles, or shop in the fake supermarket. I mean I guess we could, but that sort of thing has lost it's novelty. When I think of grocery shopping I groan.

Well anyway, yesterday I tried for my first time to get an illustrious culture pass.

My friend and I got there early and there were already three people in line before us.
Sort of annoying.

After 10 minutes or so, the library doors were opened and there was a mad rush to the culture pass bookshelf.
Also, sort of annoying.

I too, booked my way over there, and in the process dropped my sunglasses, it was a moral dilemma-I almost sacrificed my sunglasses for the team, but luckily I was a couple seconds ahead of the people behind me so I quickly was able to swoop them back up.

Of course by the time I got to the shelf the best ones were gone.
Sort of annoying.

But I did get one, to the Mesa Youth Museum. Which was fine.
I like that place.

But the whole thing reminded me of how I hate feeling part of a rushing crowd to get something before it is gone.
I think these types of situations bring out the worst in people.
As the Seagulls say in "Finding Nemo," "Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

This is the reason I don't do Black Friday shopping.

I get annoyed at the Costco Sample stations.

I avoid almost all stores that large groups of people wait for said store to open, then like a herd of wild beasts, ravage the merchandise like it is the merchandise that will save them from certain death and be the means of survival for the next generation.

I avoid restaurants that advertise "Free" something, and the entire Phoenix Metropolitan Area shows up to take advantage of a 5 dollar lunch.

Like I said, "Free" or "practically giving away!" brings out the worst in human nature.

I am reminded of a story.

When I was a kid my family went to Rainbow Trout Lodge.
I am sure the brochures had fantastical propaganda that made my parent's believe this would be the family vacation of a lifetime.

(Kind of like how they were swindled into renting a RV for 3 weeks when I was 16 years old to tour the United States, the salesman said it would bring our family closer together. It indeed did bring our family closer together. And after we got back from the trip, we stayed far, far, far away from each other for a VERY long time)

Anyway. This is what I remember about Rainbow Trout Lodge:
*There were bats in the lodge.
*There was shuffle board, which we had no idea how to play.
*It rained ALL the time.
*There was a gross pool.
*At the horse Coral, the horse man sloshed around in wet horse dung. And it must have been a lot of dung for me to have such a vivid memory of it.
* We played some game over and over again (what was it Liz?) because....it rained ALL the time.
* They had a pancake breakfast where we rode in wagons to some mountain spot, and then they cooked stuff western style. My brother was chastised for asking for seconds on the pancakes, after he saw a Texan kid receive some. "Please Sir...I want some more." ( I will explain the Texan comment in a moment)

The bright spot was that they had horseback riding every day. Morning and afternoon rides.
Although the afternoon rides were always cancelled because it rained ALL the time. So it was kind of joke to sign up for the afternoon rides.

You had to be there first thing in the morning to sign up for the Horseback rides. Early rising is not one of the Mott's family talents unfortunately. So every day we got there too late, and all the morning rides were issued to the Texans.

It was a camp in Colorado, and for some reason, there were a lot of Texans there. And for some reason, it seemed like they got to do everything we wanted to do. Probably because we didn't get up in time. But on vacation, shouldn't you really be able to get up when you want to, and still get to ride the horses...I am sure it was included in the brochure that we could do just that.

I honestly don't remember if we ever got to ride the horses.

Do you see why this story relates to the culture passes, because I do?
I could put it all together for you, but...

Okay, I will.
Final statement(s).
I don't like first come, first served deals.
Because, I am never the first served.
And then I feel frustrated.

And like I said, I feel annoyed at people I don't even know, who took the last taquito at the Costco sample station. Or took all the horses. Every day. I think sharing is a good.
Sharing is caring. We teach that to our kids, but when it comes to getting free stuff for ourselves that virtue flies out the window.

Well, that is all for today.

It's been raining a lot here. Man. It's too bad I forgot I had this.

This is for you Sister Bear.

Newsflash: Chloe slept for 14 hours yesterday. That would be from 6 PM until 8 AM.
It was amazing.

I also have good news.
We are back in business today.

This morning I looked at my house and said, "Wow. Our house looks like the ________ ."
I will not tell you who the ___________ are, but rest assured it is none of you. And rest assured the __________, could honestly and seriously win the award for the grossest house in America. Also, the parents ended up in jail. So...

But by this afternoon my world was put back in order.
I got my house back together, and we got a new (used) washing machine.

Did I mention our washing machine officially broke this time?

So we did some research.
I looked on Craigslist.
And I found one advertised for 60 bucks.
So I contacted them.
And this is the email I received back:

"yes i have, if you want you can come pick it up now or before 3pm, my address is _______, the department look like small houses."

I thought this email was funny.
I just couldn't buy a washer from someone who called their apartment a department.
I hope no one is offended by that.

Well we decided that maybe buying a washing machine off of Craigslist might be a bit sketchy.
So we went the safer route, Spencer's Used Appliances. ( I wrote their name so if someone googled their store, they would end up on my blog. Welcome to Triple M and Company!)

Anyway,
after some unpleasant water moving (did you know that water sitting in a washing machine for a few days, can get very, very stinky?)
we are now catching up on a weeks worth of laundering.
And by "we" I mean Don.
I am...blogging.
He told me, "You know, you don't get paid to blog."
And I said yes, unfortunately that is true.
But your comments are like rubies and gold to me.

Anyway, speaking of stinky water that reminds me of a story.
Story:
One time when I was at BYU I was walking up to campus. It was a very warm day. And I was very warm. Because it was a very warm day. The sun was shining. It was very warm.

Anyway, I was parched and I needed some moisture on my lips. I reached into my backpack and pulled out a water bottle.

It had been there for...well I am not sure...and I wasn't sure back then either...and I took I nice giant swig.

And then I almost vomited.
Turns out, an opened water bottle sitting in your backpack can turn to pond scum in a matter of a few days.

So my thirst was not quenched on that very warm day. When the sun was shining, and the ground was hot. Even the birds were too hot to sing.
It was a hot day.
The End.

Dear clothing manufacturers,
Please stop making:
*high wasted pencil skirts
*skinny jeans
*short poofy skirts with a high waist

Please start making:
* (un) high wasted pencil skirts
*wide legged jeans, boot cut jeans, trouser pants etc. (it is just not fair to the hipsters)
*breezy skirts in interesting patterns that fit nicely on your waist and give you room for your ample bottom. (That is for you Robyn...and Paul...do you even read these things anymore? Miss you)
*corduroy skirts (I miss my khaki corduroy skirt....)

Keep making:
*flowers
*ruffles
*gaudy jewelry that I am sure will be out of style by next spring, but I currently love

Thank you,
Melissa

(But mostly I care about you not making the high waisted pencil skirts)

Hello!!!
I created a button-you can copy and paste this and you can have my button on your blog!
///gllhplplp1ok945824050uknks//fajkper[0y7q--9ui[jk[/asdlfkajhflakfjq[peuj

Just kidding. I just thought it would be fun to pretend that people would want to put my button on their blog...or to think that people actually read my blog....

I put my friend's button on my blog. You see it up there? "The Sassy Pepper." She is very talented and crafty. And as my roommate had me laughing hysterically evey night.

Remember how I said Chloe makes me "Draw Ko-ee! Draw Ko-ee!"
Well now you know what my rendition of Chloe looks like.
And she makes me draw this over, and over...and over...and over again.
What a weird kid.
Only last night she made me draw mermaids. Which was definitely a stretch to my abilities.


So I watched "The Office" last night, and Pam and Jim finally had a baby.
I thought it was hilarious.
That was the most true to life "I'm having a baby" portrayal I have ever seen on tv.
For example:
It really was funny when the nurse asked if they wanted to have her take the baby to the nursery for the night.
And Pam and Jim lovingly say, "I think we can handle it."
Next scene they are fighting over how to put the diaper on and showing just how hard nursing really is at first.
And then the lactation specialist working with Pam ...and Jim is sitting there all awkward, trying to help, and Pam just thinks he is annoying.
Taking care of a baby the first time, does not come naturally!
At least for me.
So I thought it was funny.

Another topic I want to discuss:
So anyone that knows me, knows that skirts are my thing.
People think I like to dress up because I wear skirts all the time, but the truth is,
I wear skirts because I like to dress down.
That's right.
I think skirts are infinitely more comfortable than jeans.
They are roomy and breezy and...I love them.
However. I am deeply disappointed by the trend of skirts these days.
I enjoyed a Honeymoon Skirt period, where there were many skirts in the stores that were roomy and fit my criteria.
And now, not so much.
Now the only skirts I see are short skirts (cannot wear)
And tight skirts (do not want to wear).
And so, this makes me sad.
And Don happy.
Because I don't buy skirts anymore.

And the last topic I wanted to talk about.
Last night Don was doing laundry over at my brother in laws house, because our washing machine OFFICIALLY broke.
And I was looking on facebook.
And there is this dumb quiz that says "Friend FAQ-see what your friends say about you."
I was like, I got a few minutes to kill, why not.
And the questions were mostly what you would expect, although some were really mean, but no one is supposed to answer honestly anyway.

"Do you think Melissa Mott Mortensen is cute?"
"Do you think Melissa Mott Mortensen ever failed a class?"
"Do you think Melissa Mott Mortensen is a good spouse?"
"Do you think Melissa Mott Mortensen has good taste?"

Well I got all the expected answers, because like I said, what friend is going to answer honestly.
Well imagine my surprise to the question:
"Do you think Melissa Mott Mortensen has good taste? No"

I said, How rude!!!
But to find out who said it you have to earn coins by doing these stupid time wasting things like taking quizzes or surveys.
So I can't believe it, but I actually went to the effort of earning coins so I could see who said I had bad taste.

After I earned enough coins, I found out who said that dastardly comment. And turns out, I don't even know the person. She is not even a friend on facebook.

Anyway. I learned a few lessons.
1. Do not play stupid games on Facebook.
2. Do not waste time on Facebook.
3. If you hear something bad about yourself, do not spend the time trying to figure out who said it.

That is all.

Today.
Today I went to the park and Chloe bossed some other kids around.
In a cute way.
Well at least I thought so.
Maybe the other Moms did not think so.
I think I passed my fear of birds on to her.
Because she screamed and ran whenever a duck or pigeon got near her.
I don't blame her.
I think birds are very scary.
No, I really, really do.

Today.
Today I went to the grocery store.
Finally.
We have food again.
And I am pretty sure I ate it all tonight.
Was going to go to the gym tomorrow, but...

Today.
Today Don and Chloe wrestled me.
And then my bad pinkie toe hit our armoir and bam, something went terrible awry.
My toe goes out on me quarterly.
I don't know what is wrong with my pinkie toes.
They have been doing that forever.
I saw a Podiatrist last time, and he basically told me I was crazy.
"Your toe didn't 'pop,' the bone is in place."
Well Dr. Podiatrist.
It certainly does "pop." No idea what is popping, but something is.
I paid you 50 bucks to tell me, but...
You told me I was crazy.
Thank you for that.

Today.
Today we picked up some FREE DVD's from the library.
Also known as, the babysitter.
Chloe broke "Angelina the Ballerina: Dancing With Friends" in half.
Librarian told me over the phone that would be 17 dollars.
I think I will find another Angelina the Ballerina and swap the DVD out.
That's honest, right?
It is too bad it was not a Wiggles DVD.
I know a certain person with an entire Wiggles collection.
That would have been much easier to swap out.
I think Angelina the Ballerina is more obscure.

And today...
Last but not least.
I went 45 MPH through a 35 MPH school zone.
NOT on purpose.
So I look forward to that ticket arriving in the mail...
And then at my door.
I plan on not being home.

Today...I lied.
This is really the last but not least item.
I watched American Idol.
And I think they have ran out of potential stars.
They have already been on the show in past seasons.
I should have auditioned.
They always need a token Mormon on that show anyway.

Chloe Stories

*This past Sunday Chloe told her nursery leader that she needed to use the potty. P.S. Chloe doesn't use the potty. I try to get her to use it, but she says she prefers her diaper. So one of my friends took her to the bathroom and apparently she sat on the toilet...did nothing...said she was done and got off.
Apparently it does not take very long for a person to figure out the best way to skip out of church is to claim the need for the commode.

*Today I heard the toilet flush from the other room and then Chloe comes in and tells me she has flushed something down the toilet. I keep asking what she flushed and she keeps telling me, "Ummmmm...I fwush it...I fwush it." From intense questioning I deducted she flushed a toy down the toilet.
This is good news. Our other toilet is on limited access since I flushed my eye liner pencil down it. On accident. So hopefully this one will also become half useful as well.

*Chloe is really into me drawing her. She sits on my lap and gives me a pen and says, "Draw Ko-ee, Draw Ko-EE!" And then she makes me draw her in every situation applicable to her current life. ie. the park, her bed, the car, at church...etc. And then she usually makes me "Draw Mommy! Draw Mommy!" And all the pictures must have shoes.

*Chloe recently told me she is scared of monsters when she is going to sleep. I suspect this is from reading the book "There's A Monster in My Attic."
We have stopped reading this book.

*She is obsessed with chocolate milk. On several occasions she has awoken from a deep sleep, sits abruptly up and says, "Mommy! I wan chocote milk!"