2 Items of Business

First off, I found a hat and I love it. Don told me it looked Banana Republic. I think he meant the safari style, but I chose to think he meant the store. Which I love. And if I had all the money in the world, all my clothes would be from Banana Republic. Which by the way, Banana Republic is an odd name for an upscale clothing store, as a Banana Republic refers to an agriculturally based country with lots of poor people and a ruling class, think Central America and South Africa. I was curious and looked up where the name came from for the store. If anyone wants to know, let me know. I don't want to bore you all with my vast knowledge and intellect.

Secondly, here is a 2 second video of Chloe looking like a decked out scary Roller Derby girl. We traded in the scooter for skates.

My Bedroom is so last year.

Well Chloe is precariously sleeping propped up in her stroller and I am cleaning my house. But I got distracted with my bedroom. My bedroom is the last thing I get to when I am cleaning. I am so unexcited to clean it because I am so bored with how it looks when it is done being cleaned. Not that I didn't love my Ikea bedding and black furniture when I first got it, but I have had it for 4 years. And I am sort of sick of looking at it. I get rid of shirts after 4 years so is it any surprise that having my bedding that long bores me to tears.

(This is the view in my bedroom, so you can see I have a lot to work with)

I really want to mix it up a bit. And maybe I will. Too bad that costs money. Maybe I will be more excited to clean my bedroom and make my bed every morning.
I do in fact have brand new bedding stored away. I bought it back when I was pregnant and having one of these moments again. I was having a style crisis and asking style existential questions like, "Who am I? And what is my style?"
I bought something that was totally not my style. Bright red and plaid. And then add the nausea from being pregnant and just looking at it made me literally throw up.
So I have never put it on my bed again. Just looking at it makes me puke-ish.
If anyone is interested...you can have it! I'd be glad to have it go to a good home where it will be loved and not judged because it doesn't fit in with the rest of the family decor.

I also have high ceilings and expensive furniture to work with, so really, the sky is the limit. You know I am kidding, right?
I have a white box. Maybe I just need to paint the walls.

I think Don could get used to 3D flowers.

Well I guess I better get back to cleaning my boring room.

I shall just fall asleep dreaming of my perfect bedroom....

Hats

So I have been in search of a new hat. My loyal blog readers (uhhhh....Beuler...Beuler...anyone...Beuler) will remember my quandry last year over a conspiculously large Grandma-ish hat.

I actually like the hat, and wear it. However I have noticed its um, cheapness, makes it very floppy and I kind of look like a wet dog when it gets wet or out of shape.

So I have been on the search for a new one. The other day I found one for 10 dollars and I said to myslf-SOLD!

So I took it up to the counter and the kid at the register goes, "Ummmm...this isn't for you is it? You've got like a good 30 years before you will be needing this."

Um...First, thanks...and oh second, rude!

Guess I know his opinion on the hat.

Actually he was pretty funny and made me laugh.

When I was leaving he handed me the receipt and said, "You've got 30 days if someone tells you they don't like it."

I don't think I need someone to tell me that.

Although, Don did tell me, "get your 10 dollars back."

My hat fetish has offiicially jumped the shark.

Top 4 Movies of my Adolesence

So I am sort of a closet romantic. I love a good chick flick. But it has to be a certain kind of chick flick. I am not into the ones that involve people having affairs because the one that fate should have them with is not the one they are with.
I don't believe in affairs. No matter what. Just saying.

I like a nice, innocent, and charming love story.
I have My top 4 romantic movies listed here. That's right. Top 4. I could not think of 5. But these 4, I fully support and endorse these 4.
Maybe you could add to my list.


#1 Pride and Prejudice
Come on. Who is not in love with Mr. Darcy. My 15 year old self thought he was dreamy and my 28 year old self still finds him so. This is one of the best scenes in the movie.
He is just so darn in love with her he can't think straight.
However, in real life, if I were in her situation, I might think it a little creepy that a man I didn't really know was obsessed with me.
Although, he does have some nice credentials, so I could write off his craziness rather quickly.
We all want a man to change JUST for us, don't we, so romantic....




#2 Gilbert Blythe. The school boy of my dreams
My sister and I would watch this movie together and then secretly rewind all the scenes with Gilbert Blythe longingly looking at Anne from a distance. You know it is true Liz. Well I did, if you didn't.
My sister still holds a torch for Gilbert Blythe, although is somewhat disillusioned by his post-green gables film choices. Apparantly in real life he is not an early 1900's school boy.
Also, what the heck took Anne so long to figure out her best friend was also incredibly hot!
In real life, "he would have pitched her." (that is a little play on a quote that the true 13 year old fans would get)



#3 While You Were Sleeping
I don't care what you all say. I love Bill Pullman.



And lastly #4 Sound of Music.
And how in the world can I not find my favorite scene on You Tube?
It's the gazebo scene. They profess their love to each other and then what do they have to do, they have to ruin it by singing.
Okay, don't get me wrong, I love singing and I love music, but sometimes the song is like an annoying fly, you just want to flick it away for a few minutes. It can come back and bug you later...but not in the middle of something really good, like eating your flame broiled hamburger.
Seriously. In real life, don't you think the guy would be a little annoyed that out of nowhere this girl starts singing a song about how "wicked" she used to be, like 3 inches from his face, right about the time he was going to kiss her. Awkward!
We should all try this in real life. Next time someone is going to kiss you, start singing a song about yourself.
If you are married, your husband will probably forgive you, but if it is a date, you might have just kissed that relationship good-bye.

So long, farewell..and all that German stuff.
What is your favorite, rewind that scene, movie?

Chelsey quote for the day:
She is at my house today and I made her take a shower over here.
She hates taking showers and in the past I have tried to explain many times that showers are more hygenic then baths.
So today she said to me:
"Melissa. I don't like taking showers at your house. I like taking baths at my house. I can sit down at my house. And I don't care if you say I am just sitting in my own filth. I like it."

Okaaaaaaaaaayyyy....

Aren't you glad I shared this little jewel?

For the Scrapbook

Once again I am too lazy to rearrange these pictures, so we are going to do this Chinese style. Backwards (well, to us). Start at the end of this post, for that shall actually be the beginning. We will see you in a minute up here again. Isn't this fun!So last Monday was Chloe's birthday and then on Wednesday was Don's career expo. I forgot to take many pictures. Chloe kept me pretty busy. She started undressing herself at one point. It was also like Halloween. All of the booths had candy and boy oh boy, did Chloe ever like that. She had a bazillion suckers. Seriously a bazillion. As you can see in the picture. I tried to get her to put them in her trick or treating bag, but she preferred to eat them all on the spot. It was a losing battle. And on this battle, I lost. I admit defeat. Oh well!
And that brings us up to today. And I had better go. Have a great Memorial day everyone!

Chloe and cousins.

Her aunt and uncle gave her some blue Shaka shoes and she loves those. Chloe has a shoe fetish. The other Sunday I found her in nursery wearing another little girl's shoes. The little girl came up and told me that Chloe was wearing her shoes. I told Chloe to put on her own shoes and give the other ones back. And what did Chloe do? She took her own shoes and offered them to the other girl and kept wearing the other girl's shoes. The other little girl looked quite perplexed. And Chloe just kept doing her thing. Chloe is sneaky. And the funniest thing about her is that she can get other kids going and she just gets this look on her face like she has no idea what their problem is.

And I bought her some play dough and a scooter for her birthday. Play dough....mistake. That stuff gets everywhere. Scooter...also maybe a mistake. She prefers her bike and she doesn't seem too enticed by the scooter. Hopefully she will get really good at it and want to ride it. I think Chloe really figured out that the whole birthday song and dance was for her. And she loved the attention. By golly she's cute. Chloe dressed in her birthday attire. I purchased some new summer clothes for her. Ones that would be easily put on and comfortable for her. It was hard to do, but I did it. I bypassed all the button, collared, jean type material, all the really, really cute stuff, and went for the 100 percent cotton stuff. But little Miss Chloe has a mind of her own. She still chose to take her new shorts off, and her diaper for that matter, and I guess put on her own form of underwear, a diaper cover. So I have since been playing a new game. And I will win. I have hid all her clothes that I don't want her wearing and now she has very limited options. She WILL wear her new clothes. And I have transitioned her to pull ups. I am not ready to potty train her yet but she is ready to change herself. I figure we will ease into this potty training thing. I have to mentally prepare myself for public restrooms first.

That evening I had a little family get together for Chloe. Rey, Cicily and kids, Russ, and my family came over for some cake. I made that delicious poppyseed cake that I blogged about a couple weeks ago. I thought we would not have enough, so I made 2 cakes. Not such a great idea. we only ate one cake, and I spent the rest of the week eating the other cake. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And the measure of a good cake is not being sick of it. If someone offered a slice of it to me right now, I would say, sure, bring it on! Seriously you have to make that cake. Have you noticed that I love food yet? I think I have talked about food like 13 times already.

During the day, Charlotte and her boys came over and went swimming. It was a hot day, like 106, so swimming was a great idea. And then we had lunch. The adults ate salad and the kids ate sandwiches. This is the best salad in the entire world. It even had chicken in it. mmmm I am salivating.

On Monday, it was Chloe Jean's 2nd Birthday. I trained her to hold up 2 fingers and say "two" when I asked her how old she was. She held up more like 2 and a half fingers. I think she sort of got that it was in some way a special day for her.We have really missed the Mumfords. They have been in Spain for a few months. Whatever. We spent many a Sundays eating Pizookies and playing Settlers of Cataan...much to the chagrin of Cassie and me. I am sorry for all you Settler fans, but that game...and I thought Monopoly was long.

We also went to our favorite local Mexican restaurant "Manuels" with the Mumfords and the Rays while they were here. Another awesome dinner. And the salsa really helped clear my sinuses. So that was a good choice. And halfway through dinner my ears opened up and I could hear the conversations which was also a huge plus.

My choir concert was on Sunday, after the Mumfords left. Unfortunately I had completely lost my voice and couldn't participate. But I went and watched. And by golly, they were good.

I think you will agree, these are 2 of the cutest red heads this side of the Mississippi. Although Alexa by comparison, makes Chloe's hair look like Dianna Berry's, not Anne's. Kudos to anyone who got and actually understood that lame attempt at a joke.On Saturday our delightful friends, The Mumfords, came to visit because they love us so much. And...oh ya, Brad (in the green) was graduating from law school. I think they would attest it was all an excuse to come stay at the Mortensen Bed and Breakfast, which by the way is open ANYTIME to visitors. Please. Come visit me. I will leave a piece of chocolate on your pillow.
Last weekend, which I am about to document, was quite eventful. Besides being stricken with a nasty cold, it was a superb weekend. I am glad I had so much going on because it sort of helped me forget about the mucus spewing out of all the openings in my head.

First of all, Friday, I went to Olive Garden with my friend Donna and her sister-in-law while Don went on his scout campout. I had a great time. I love the 5 cheese ziti. Which reminds me, I have a recipe that tastes exactly like it. I will have to post that one of these days.

Hoorah Hoorah, the wallet has been found!

Tonight I regained a small piece of my sanity. The long lost wallet has been found. I opened the front passenger side door and what do you know, the wallet was sitting right there, right between the door and the seat. Somehow both my dad and I missed it. I thought I had thoroughly examined the car.
And so I am ecstactic.
My little miracle for the day.
Sigh. I shall go to sleep happy now!

It's All about the singing

I can't get this song out of my head. This just might replace "The Office" as my favorite show.
See if you can watch this without wanting to dance!

Oh and I forgot my latest Chelsey story.
The other day I asked her if the new lead singer(Sam,top)in "The Wiggles" looked a lot like the old lead singer (Greg,bottom).
She told me, "Well...Greg is more handsome. Sam has a baby face."
I have no idea where she learned that terminology.

Also, I like that in still frame, the Wiggles look like they are pointing guns.

Ironic

A lunchtime conversation:

Don: Is that a new shirt?

Melissa: Yes. I got it awhile ago. (okay so like a week ago) Old Navy was having a buy 2 get one free sale.

pause

Don: You can't wear that shirt.

Melissa: Why?

Don: Because. You don't believe in that.

Melissa: Huh?...Oh. Well that is just rude.

In case you can't tell, my shirt says, "Soak up the sun."

I suppose it might be a little ironic.

But I can't help it if fair skinned freckled women age the worst of any population group.

Just look at Lindsey Lohan. She looks what, like 57? Of course, the sun is probably not the only thing she should stay away from.

But I have to say, I am diggin my new buy 2 get one free t-shirts. They are light weight and very breezy. And as I said before, I am anti camis and with these little babies, I need no undershirt, thank you very much.

I bought one with a sea horse and one with a corral reef. And then I ran out of pictures and had to choose between words. I couldn't find any words that I could really take up as my cause. They were all a little too hippy for me. And so I settled on "Soak Up the Sun." I thought, well I don't really do that, but other people do, and the beach is a really nice place. Also I bought it because it was in dark purple. And I don't have a dark purple shirt.

But "Soak up the Sun" atop a fall hue is also a little ironic too, don't you think?

Ya a little too ironic, ya I really do think.

The next million dollars goes for anyone who can name the artist and year for that little diddy.

By the way, I don't really have a million dollars. But you can have my purse lint.

Also, how is it that I only got a half inch taken off my hair today, yet it looks the same as 6 months ago? I will never have long(er) hair.

My famous Husband

Don had a career expo for his company lightrailconnect today.
And he made the news.
I can't believe I am married to such an entrepreneur. Because I really like watching t.v.
And to quote a favorite musical of mine, "Somewhere in my wicked childhood...I must've done something good."
A million dollars to whomever can name the movie.


Watch him. If you want.

Oh where oh where has my little mind gone, oh where oh where can it be...

Today.
Today I had one goal.
Just one.
It was to find Don's wallet.
You see, it was lost all last week.
Every day, "Have you seen my wallet?"
And I would say, "No."
Then, when I was searching for the remote control last Friday, I found the wallet. Underneath the couch.
I called Don with great jubilation to tell him the news.
He was joyful as well.
By the time he came home, a mere few hours later, I managed to lose the wallet.
That's correct. I found the wallet. Then I lost it.
Today I tore apart my entire house. The entire house. Places I wouldn't even think to hide something from invading thieves.
No rock left unturned. No haystack untrifled.
My dad even joined in the search.
My heroic father even sorted through bags and bags and bags of gut wretching trash.
I still can't believe he did that.
Without gloves.
No luck.
Frustration does not even begin to describe my inner most feelings.
I wish I had never found the wallet in the first place. Because me finding it, then losing it, places the responsibility of losing it in my court, even though I wasn't the first person to lose it.

I finally gave up. And I calmed myself down with my Tuesday dose of American Idol, and the premiere of "Glee." And I was happy.

And then I went to go do my dishes.
And my garbage disposal broke. I am not sure if it was the raw carrot or the plastic spoon.

And I shall go cry now.
More money. Down the drain.
Literally.

Happy Birthday My Dearest Chloe

Relief.

That is what I felt Friday, May 18, 2007.

My little Chloe had finally made it to earth. Safely. And both of us survived.

I had wanted her for so long.

I had a blood clot back in 2005 in my leg.

A lousy nurse practioner had told me in the aftermath that I probably shouldn't have any children, because it might be too risky. Pregnant women are more likely to get blood clots.

She was lousy, and wrong, by the way.

But her words stuck with me and I

was afraid she was right. After a year of prayer, I finally convinced myself I could do it. I could be pregnant. I could do it. I could give myself shots of blood thinner everyday. Yes, shots. "I think I can, I think I can."

So I was blessed with a quick pregnancy. Thankfully that was not something I had to endure.

And I prayed for a girl. I probably shouldn't have done that, but I really, really, really wanted one.

And I got my wish. Better than my wish. She is better than any of my fondest dreams. My prayers were

answered. Again and again and again.

She is the joy of my life.

There are no words.

She reminds me every day that I have a mother too.

We are connected through her.

She might not be here with me physically, but Chloe reminds me that she is with me spiritually.

I know whose Chloe's gaurdian angel is.

Chloe did a lot of this in her first 3 months.

A lot.

And I won't lie. I did a lot of this too.

We both had a lot of things to figure out.

And I think we have both gotten better at our responsibilities.

She has really learned the art of being adorable.

Less crying, more sleep, more smiling are just some of her many aquired skills and techniques.

As for me the same applies. Less crying, more sleep, more smiling...makes for a better mother.

And being less easily frazzled. I said less. By no means have I perfected this.

My little Chloe, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you...forever....and ever and ever...and ever....




"There will always be mothers, and they will always be endowed with a love that is unlike any other love on the face of the earth." Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Passing time cause it's 2 AM

It is almost 2 in the morning and I am sitting here waiting for my mucinex to kick in.
So far I have taken Sudafed, Zycam, and vitamin C.
I tried to sleep with some tissue stuffed in my nose but my chest congestion keeps waking me up.
Sorry to be complaining. I guess I have nothing better to do at 2 in the morning.
There is not even anything good on tv at this time of night.
Except "You've Got Mail" which I think is on repeat loop until morning.
I can't watch that move one. more. time.
I didn't really like it that much the first time.
Too slow.
And also, someone putting another person out of business is kind of a big deal, I have a hard time believing the person put out of business would ever fall in love with the person that put them out of business. Especially if the business was personal and tied to their deceased mother.
And that is my opinion on that.
Or there is always Cast Away. Gee. The perfect cheery movie, especially when you are alone. Watching someone almost go crazy. Alone. So not a good choice for the night. And then the car scene...horrible. That turns me into a sobbing mess. Why did they have to have Helen Hunt get married and have kids? I have a new rule. I don't watch movies with sad endings.
I have another new rule. I don't wear layers. I am a one shirt woman. None of this cami thing anymore. It is much too hot here to be doing that.
Don is out on a scout campout. sigh. sigh again. sigh sigh sigh!!!!!
I am sorry to anyone reading this.
Please keep in mind it is 2 in the morning.
I hope I don't lose my voice, but I have to tell you, it is going in that direction. And I am sure not sleeping is not helping. I have a choir concert in a couple days. And as always, colds have impecable timing. Although I suppose a cold is never welcomed. "Hey what's up cold virus! Glad you came around! Ya, don't even worry about it, it's a perfect time to come over. I have nothing going on. We can just sort of sit back and chill together, it is going to be a totally awesome time!"
Okay so I think maybe my mucinex is kicking in and I can breathe so maybe I should try sleeping again.
Sorry again to anyone that had the misfortune of actually reading this.

A funny clip for the day

I have this type of conversation with Don a lot, about different subjects, but same sort of idea.
And that is why I think it is so funny.

Update!
Little Suzie #2 has been found and my faith in humanity has been restored!
We are looking forward to being reunited!

A series of unfortunate events.

We had an unfortunate occurrence today.

A member of our little family has gone missing. And I am afraid she is not coming back.

Little Suzie #2, we miss you.

As you can see, her little friends miss her too.

Not even Dora knows where to find her.

And Horton just keeps saying, "Who? Who?" He is not the smartest of elephants.

He was also jealous of all the attention Suzie #2 got.

Chloe and Little Suzie #2 in happier times.

Little Suzie #2 has had her struggles.

When she first joined our family, she jibber jabbered, moved her head and arms, and when anyone would walk by, would giggle and say "ma ma."

She was a little annoying. But endearing.

Then, one day Chloe decided to see if she could stand solo on the diving board.

She could not.

She plummeted into the icy water.

She was never been quite the same since.

Although she resurrected for a brief period of time, as of late, her voice has been silenced.

Nevertheless, we loved her and accepted her, and I got over that the $20 doll could only talk for 2 weeks.

Then the unthinkable happened.

Chloe took Suzie#2 to the water play park today and left her on a table, unsupervised.

One can only guess what happened to her, but I suspect she was snatched by one of the field tripping elementary school kids eating nearby.

And I am a little ticked about it.

But Chloe still has her Christmas carol singing dog stocking, so I guess we will just count our losses and soldier on.

Poor Suzie #2.

Stuff

I just have a few things to say today. Most of them involve food.
1. Instant breakfasts are my new best friend. My mom served these religiously back when I was a kid. That and lumpy malto-meal. Which by the way, I purposely put lumps in mine if I ever make it. It is much better that way.
I have a hard time getting Chloe to eat breakfast, but she downs milk like a gallon challenge.
And now she has a full meal complete with vitamins and minerals.

2. Blue Bonnet chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is rocking my world. The cookie dough is large enough to fish out and cook on a cookie sheet.

3. It is American Idol night and I actually get to watch it because I don't have choir practice.


4. Speaking of choir practice, I have a concert this Sunday. Old LDS church in downtown Mesa.

5. It is time to clean my kitchen. Again. How does this always happen?

Mother's Day

Pre-Mother's Day Dinner.

We took a walk mother's day with my little ox.

Don cleaned my kitchen as a gift.

And evidence that I am the best mother in the world.

Mom,
I am not sure if you can read blogs where you are, but I want to tell you Happy Mother's Day.
We miss you-
Love,
Melissa

Would a rose by any other name, smell as sweet?

This probably speaks to how bored I am right now.
The government does do some great things. Like putting out lists of popular baby names.
This move by the government, I fully endorse and support.
Way to go! Yeah government!

Did you know that Chloe was #16 on list of most popular names in 2007?
I bet you didn't. And I bet you don't really care.
Now it is #10.
At least we beat the rush.

Melissa was #5 in 1981, the year of my grand entrance into this world. Uh, now it makes sense that when I went away to college and was surrounded by trillions of people my own age, when someone called out "Melissa!", 13 people would answer, "What?"
And now it is #134.
Moral of the story: Now would be a good year to name your child after me.
It would be a tremendous boost to my ego.
And your child will never have to share their name.
And sidenote, is my name really that 80's??
Hi I'm Melissa! I was born in the 80's. But you knew that already didn't you, because my name is Melissa. At least it is not Tiffany....no offense. I don't recall any blog readers named Tiffany, if there are, my deepest apologies.

Don was #268 when he was born, and now the last time it even made the list was in 2001 when it was #871.
But this, I already knew.
When we first met and I asked his name, he said "Don."
And I said, "Don? Is that short for Donny, Donald?
"No, Just Don."
A 3 letter name. Short. Simple. Easy to pronounce. Great for 1st graders.
And a great middle name for some future son.

If you are bored too, tell me what you find out about your name. It's super fun. Oh excuse me, I've got to run! My paint is drying and I am afraid I am missing it!
http://www.ssa.gov/cgi-bin/babyname.cgi
Tell me, is your name a poster 80's name too?

Milestone or Millstone....

Chloe has reached a new milestone.
And it just might be the death of me.

She insists on dressing herself.
Which in one way, I say, good for her! Way to be a little independent chica!

On the other hand, she screams and fights her clothes with every outfit change.
And when I try to intervene, I become involved in the brawl.
One would think upon hearing her, me helping her arm through the arm hole, is akin to water boarding.

I don't mind her taking all the time in the world to do her little thing, putting her shirt collars through her feet, when I don't have to be anywhere within the hour.
But when I am trying to hurry the kid along....all he** breaks loose.

So another parenting milestone to traverse.
I think I am getting through the tantrum/obstinate phase in other areas of her life, but this whole clothes issue is another story.

How do you not stifle independence (I mean her wanting to dress herself is a good thing) while not accepting the fits and personal frustration (on her part) that goes along with it?
Her reason for freaking out is because she is intent on doing everything herself and she gets frustrated with herself when she is not successful. And she won't accept help.

Sounds like a diagnosis for the therapists office doesn't it. Okay I know she is only 2....

My dear Chloe, what am I to do with you? I know your fierce independence can serve you well someday if bridled in the right way, but you are driving your mother insane.

Also, while I was writing this and thought Chloe was quietly eating her lunch, she found the ranch dressing and poured out the entire bottle.

Nice.

Excuse me, is there egg on my face?

Sigh.

I am thoroughly mortified for the day.

I am afraid to leave the house.

Today I was supposed to meet up with my friend Charlotte for her Birthday lunch. 11: 40 AM.

I am always late. A vice of mine. I am sorry world for making you wait. I think I need a shock collar and every time I am late, the person waiting for me gets to push the button.

Anyway, I was running late and couldn't find my keys. Of course. So I called Don and found out that this time it was in fact, not my fault. Somehow he had them in his pocket.

sigh.

Well I couldn't very well wait for him since I was already late.

So I walked across the street, and my kind brother-in-law let me borrow his car (thank you! thank you!)

I arrived at destination Cheesecake Factory. And I am now almost a whole half hour late.

And I can't get the keys out of the car. Because it is not my car. And I am not so clever sometimes.

I pick up my phone to call for help.

Dead.

(Law number 1 of the universe: when it rains, it pours)

So I watch the passer byers and summon up enough courage to call out "Hey!" to a complete stranger.

I found my victims. I told them of my predicament. The man in the scenario tried to help, to no avail. And by now, the car is not even starting.

I hoped, maybe it's NOT me? But not really, because then there was something wrong with their car.

So I ran into the restaurant and enlisted Charlotte for help.

She was perplexed too.

But she has more common sense than I do, and she diagnosed the problem after some super sleuthing. Meanwhile, I called my sister in law and informed her I broke her car.

Turns out, I didn't break her car, I just had the car in neutral.

Sigh.

Crisis diverted.

And 45 minutes late, we can finally all sit in an air conditoned booth away from things that confuse me, like cars.

We ate lunch.

Delicious.

Later, I was driving home, stopped at a stop light and I look to my left and see a car full of 20-30 something year old men. I stare hard. They stare back. I thought I knew one of them.

Nope.

Oh wait, I do know one of them, another one of them!

Melissa rolls down her window. (switching to 3rd person for no reason)

Guy that I "know" rolls down his window.

By then it was too late. Upon further evaluation I realized I didn't know him. None of them.

Still staring. With window rolled down. "Uh Hi."

"You don't know us," says unnamed male.

Clearly.

"Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were my friend Jaymie." (Donna, as in your Jaymie)

For some reason I thought putting a specific name out there made me look like less of a fool. I am pretty sure it did the opposite. Like they know who "Jaymie" is.

And then they drove off. That is the first time in a long time I have flirted with an entire car of boys. And not even on purpose.

I should have known today was headed in this direction.

I started off the day with the "dance" class at the gym (thanks stacy for the suggestion).

I have never seen such a sorry group of dancers in my entire life.

I am pretty sure our hip hip looked like a group of senior citizens playing shuffle board.

PAINFULLY pathetic.

So, Excuse me, I am going to go find a large rock.

P.S. My dad fashioned a diaper out of paper towels.

Genius.

Thoughts on the Gym

So I've been going to the gym. Let me rephrase that, I have been trying my very best (maybe not my very best, but my goodest) to go to the gym. I purchased a year long contract at an unbelievably low price, so basically I feel the need to get my moneys worth, even though I got it at an unbelievably low price. Let me say that again, unbelievably low price. Phrase of the day: unbelievable low price. Oh my gosh....STOP!!!

sheesh. so moving on.

So I get bored at the gym. I have thought about striking up a conversation with an elliptical neighbor...but you never know how they will respond. Some people like to get in the zone, and some people like to forget that they are in a zone. I would be the latter.

I have thought about putting out a Craigslist ad for "Workout Buddy." I saw something like that on a talk show...or maybe a magazine...and they turned out to be best friends. Best case scenario: best friends. Worst case scenario: you could get murdered.

Anyway.

So I usually make a stop at the magazine rack.
And then I hit the elliptical. I figure, treadmill and light reading, no way. You will be tripping all over yourself. I don't need any help with that. Elliptical, light browsing, workable. Bike and serious reading, do-able. After all, does anyone get a good work out on a stationary bike?(spinning classes excluded). Glad you all agree. I have been reading the Biography on Gordon B. Hinkley while on the bike. And when I do that, I leave the gym feeling smarter. But...barely worked up a sweat.

So then I switch to some fluffy magazine and then I leave the gym feeling dumber.

Example? Yesterday I picked up "US" Magazine. I looked at pictures of Matthew Mc-what's his bucket, on the beach. Who cares? Yet I looked.
And then I read about Jonathon Mayer and Jennifer Anniston. Like I know them.
And today in Marie Claire, I read an entire article on the past 15 years of certain celebrities love life. And I learned one thing-Luke Wilson gets around.
Pathetic isn't it?
Marie Claire also taught me new definitions for "splurge" and "steal."
Splurge: Shirt: $500
Steal: Shirt: $150

Um okay....
I am going to try these new definitions with Don.

Sometimes I read "Self" magazine. But I have officially quit that. I don't need to be exercising and then reading an article on how to make all your food less calories. You mean I have to exercise AND give up cheese and sour cream on my tacos? Do I really have to do calf raises while standing in line at the grocery store?

I'm a proponent of eating healthy and everything, but I can't trick myself by saying my water with a sliced lemon is the same as having a nice cool glass of lemonade.

So that's it.
This is all of little consequence, but I share nonetheless.

Let them eat cake

I have been on an eating extravaganza this weekend, and boy has it been good. I am sharing a recipe for the most fantastic, moist, easiest, delectable, can't stop eating it, cake in the entire world. Trust me on this one. You shall love.

Poppyseed Bundt ("It's a bunt cake." Name the movie!) Cake

1 yellow cake mix w/pudding
1 3.5 oz box of vanilla pudding
1 TB poppyseeds
1/2 c. oj
1/2 c. oil
1 c. sour cream
4 eggs

Mix. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes.

When cake is about 10 minutes from being done, make the glaze.

1 cup sugar
1/4 c. OJ
1/2 cup butter (thus the secret to its goodness)

Boil the sauce. Pour over the finished cake when it is nice and bubbly. Let it soak in, then turn it over on a cake plate, and then...devour. Trust me, you will.

And now...to the gym.

2 Poems

"To my kitchen, with love:"


How is it everyday I find,
That, my kitchen becomes a shrine,
To dirt, and grease, and gunk, and grime.
To me, my shrine is not sublime.


And a poem I wrote in 8th Grade, and also entirely historically inaccurate:


"George Washington"

George Washington.
Leader of the Revolutionary War.
Fought for our rights, even though poor.*
Fought through grim and frightening battles.
On the ocean, with a paddle.**
Lead on, Lead on. For our rights.
Lead on, Lead on. For our future is bright.


*Upon further study, it was revealed George Washington was NOT poor.

**Refers to the famous painting of Washington on the Delaware. And yes, paddles are very frightening. The turncoats and Brits were surely intimidated.

The Me Monster

For Charlotte: