Dear Brad and Cassi,
I received your letter requesting parenting advice.
I am obliged to be of service.

Now, you asked questions specifically dealing with parenting multiples.
As you might remember, I am a parent of a single, so I am not experienced with parenting multiple children at once.
However this makes me even better equipped to answer your thought provoking questions.
As we all know, people with no experience on a certain subject, are usually the best people to go to for advice.
For example. If you are having marital problems but really are determined to stay together, you should talk to someone who has been divorced 10 times. They can probably steer you in the right direction.
Or, if you are trying to lose weight and keep it off for good, Oprah is your go to gal for that. She's done it. Several times.
Well this is just more free advice on getting free advice.

But back to your predicament.
1. "When do you shower? And what do you do with your kids?"

Why do you think swimming pools were invented? Next question.

2. "If you're home alone and there's a fire or a robber and you can only take one, which do you take?"

I would take the best looking one, or the one most likely to make it big on a reality tv show. You did have children to HELP YOU right?

3."What do you do when he's sick and crying all night? How do you keep her asleep?"

Who cares what the doctors say. Benadryl works every time.

4. "What if it's time for both of them to eat? Who do you feed first?"

The chubbier one because they will likely get the most mad waiting for food.

5. "What if they both want to be held but they won't let you sit? (and they're both fairly heavy)"

Sit on both of them at the same time. Same concept.

6."When do you clean your house?"

Simplify. As long as your trash has been taken out, cut yourself some slack. It is easier to tell people to cover their eyes when they come in, than it is to tell them to plug their nose.

7."Is there a secret place that gives out free diapers?"

Not that I know of. But you have two alternative options here.
1. Move to China. I hear they don't wear diapers there.
2. Join one of those groups that believes in potty training the parents not the child. As in, you learn your child's "I need to go potty" cues. And you can brag to all your friends that your child is potty trained as a newborn.
And then you probably won't have any friends, and that does away with the need to clean your house because no one will be coming over.

Well I hope this helped.
Please let me know if I can be of any more assistance.