I'm sure you've seen this.




But have you seen this?

Don and I would like to get in on some of the great deals on housing, courtesy of the lousy economy. So we were looking around and we found these classy amenities. Whoa! I had to take a second look to realize this was not Glacier National Park! How tranquil!

I think this tree is beautifully done as well. I like how the tree starts halfway up the wall. Beware. If a house ever lists "custom paint" that is code for, "what the heck were we doing?" Just so you know.

Dear House,
We need to have a talk. I have noticed lately that you seem to be turning against me. This leaves me asking, "why?" I have been good to you. In fact, you owe me. You are who you are, because of me. I am like the wind beneath your wings. But lately you haven't been flying so high. In fact, you have been flying very low. Very low indeed. In fact, I am angry with you. I have considered lighting a match and walking away. But I am not ready to give up yet. That is why I am writing you this letter. Hopefully such drastic measures do not need to be taken, if you would just shape up! Let's walk down memory lane for a moment.
Remember when you were sporting "custom paint"? Only a true friend would take you aside and tell you this hue of pink was really not your color. Remember how I so lovingly taught you how to play up your best assets? Those frames are mine. And if you don't shape up, I am taking them back.

Instead you have allowed horrible creatures to invade you and turn me into the plague. Some of our mutual friends won't even visit me anymore because of you.

Remember how we turned your rocky exterior...

Into well...dead grass...BUT REMEMBER...you were green once! If you hadn't had let yourself go...you only have yourself to blame.Remember how we planted trees,and painted your door red? Remember?! Remember?! We fixed you up, and how do you repay us? You make it so your toilet doesn't flush. And of course how could I forget the kitchen! You were nothing before me!


But what do you go and do? Stop up your sink every week and then break your water faucet. How am I supposed to do dishes now? Or cook? And with bugs you allowed in, I can't even catch up with laundering. Dishes and laundry everywhere. And nothing I can do about it! I am fed up with you. You are an absolute disaster. And no matter how hard I try, it seems I get no respect from you. You just do something else that is vindictive.

Well consider this your warning, house. Last night I had a dream and we moved to a different house. And it was wonderful! (except for the part in the dream where Don had another wife and we had to share the house, that was not so wonderful).

I hope this relationship can be prepared, and that this is just a little misunderstanding. You've been a good little house in the past...it is just lately...

Sincerely,

Melissa

This would be entitled,
"Cute Chloe Stories."
As opposed to:
"Messes Chloe Makes."

I don't really think anyone is interested, but then again, I don't think anyone was interested in knowing about my bedbugs either, but that subject has taken up about 5 blog posts. And probably more in the future. This post is for me. And future Chloe.

I. Chloe's favorite book right now is "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." We have our night time routine that she loves. It involves reading a book in the dark with a flashlight. She will not allow the book to be read without the flashlight. And then we sing some songs. She requests the "bunny song" (not sure if I am singing the right bunny song), the ABC's and Twinkle Twinkle. This is the only time she allows me to sing. When we are in the car and I sing she says, "No singing! No singing!"
(This is a nice picture of Chelsey too)

II. Whenever Chloe sees a Sequoia SUV, she says "Loma!" Loma is her cousin and her mom drives a Sequoia. This never ceases to amaze me. I have no idea what kinds of cars other people drive.

III. She loves old Disney movies. I just introduced her to "Snow White." I noticed the other day though, that when it gets to the part where the witch is being chased, she went up to the tv and turned it off. And then stood there for a few moments and then turned it on, and then off again. Then she walked away. I said, "Is that scary Chloe" And she said, "Yes. Scary."

So that's good. She can edit her own movies. Will save me a lot of time.

Juuuuuuuust kidding!

IV. Her favorite outfit is her "fwower" outfit. I bought this outfit for her a year ago but she didn't care about it back then. For some reason she is now in love with it. She requests everyday to wear it. And I told her on Sunday to go put some toys in her backpack for church. And what did she put in her backpack? The "fwower" outfit. And then she of course tried to change her clothes in the middle of church.
IV. Frequent conversations between us:

Me: "You did?!"

Chloe: "I did!"

Me: "You are?!"

Chloe: "I are!"

Me: "You were?!"

Chloe: "I were!"

Bed Bugs Update

I know you are all dying for a Bed Bug update.

First, I would like to tell you some delightful little facts I have learned about Bed Bugs:
*They can survive up to 18 months without eating!!! So you can't just move rooms for a month and they will all die.
* They administer an antiseptic before they bite you, so you don't feel it! They are really very considerate bugs!
* They can hide in virtually any dark hidden place, INCLUDING your clothes dresser, behind frames on your wall, basically anywhere.
*They leave little traces behind that look like black ink. It is actually their poop...or...your digested blood!

Well these are just some fun little facts about my favorite insect!

They must be leftover from one of the plagues in the Bible.

I have no problem with using the word "hate" when I say...I hhhhhhhhhhhhhhate them.


I decided I would try to eradicate them myself by visiting my local Home Depot and buying 30 dollars worth of insecticides.
I just cannot fork over 400 bucks for a professional. Not yet at least.
The thought of 400 bucks being spent on these horrid creatures just brings a tear to my eye.

I had an exterminator come and check out my house.
And as I suspected, no evidence of them being here was found.

Today I went about my pest control job.
I took all the stuff out from under my bed.
I had some old curtains underneath there, and what do you know, I found me a live one.
So I threw those away.
And then I found a dead one on my wedding photo album. How quaint.
But that is all I have found so far.
It makes me wonder what other obscure place they might be hiding.

But rest assured, they WILL be gone.
They are not welcome in the Mortensen house.
And I make sure as I am spraying I let them know this, by shouting,
"Die! Die! Die!"

I have no problem with saying that either.

Family Pictures

I can't believe it has been a year since I had our last family pictures.
This year I roped my brother into taken pictures.
And once again I learned a few things:
1. It is practically impossible to get a shot with everyone smiling.
2. It is practically impossible to get a picture without someone having a double (or quadruple) chin
3. It is practically impossible to get a toddler to stand still AND smile.
4. We are fatter than we used to be.
5. Kids are way more photogenic than adults.

Did you watch this?
My favorite performance of the whole night.
Absolutely beautiful.


PS Can someone tell me what this song is about though?
I really like it, but to tell you the truth, I don't get the lyrics.
All you English Majors this is your big chance.
5 dollars to whoever can tell me.
No serious.
Okay not 5 dollars. But I will mail you something cool.
I'm serious.