You know, Halloween is fun. But Halloween can be stressful. This year I remembered why I don't ever bother wearing a costume, or participate in the trunk decorating for our church trunk or treat. It is only stressful because I wait until last minute. Words to the wise:Don't try to decorate your trunk and find costumes with a total of 2 hours to devote to the cause. Because then you might become frustrated when you realize what your costume really needs is a blue cape. Or a mid nineteenth century dress. Because chances are, you probably won't have those lying around in your house, unless you belonged to a weird club in High School. Oh wait, I did. Nevermind. Also, chances are you probably won't have ocean paraphernalia lying around either to turn the back of your car into the "Under the Sea" destination you imagined in your head.
But you can try your darnedest and be very proud of your very mediocre results. In case it wasn't completely obvious, Don is Prince Eric, Chloe is Ariel, and I am Ursula (The one who tried to marry Prince Eric). Geez, I can't believe you couldn't guess that instantaneously.
Lovely.
Also lovely.
But she really was lovely.

Halloween 2010-Little Mermaid. Uh, terrible picture. Too bad I forgot to take any more. I swear she does not have a mullet.

2009-Butterfly
2008- Flower Fairy
2007-Flower Fairy. You can see I had an obsession with winged creatures.
PS Melissa-Why do you have only one picture of Chloe's first Halloween? Lame.

Have I ever mentioned that my Mom was an incredibly talented seamstress? My Mother made us our Halloween costumes.


Unfortunately for these children, so did their Mothers.

I googled images for "Little Mermaid" and these came up, and well, I thought they were sort of hilarious. Let's be honest, The Little Mermaid is probably the hardest Princess costume to recreate. How do you make a Mermaid modest, realistic, and warm?
Well the Mortensen family is going to be characters from the Little Mermaid this year. I am not quite sure how, I am sure it will be rather pathetic, considering we need costumes tonight and I am just barely getting around to thinking about it. Most likely we will have crappy costumes and then we will just wear name tags so people can tell what we are. That's how we roll over here.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! It is 90 degrees...but HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Pants. Pants?

I showed up to a party the other day, and I decided to do something special.

I wore pants.

And my friend said, "Wow. I think this is the first time I have ever seen you wear pants."

And it was most likely true.

I never wear pants. I find them uncomfortable. It is probably because I don't have the right pants. And let me tell you, if I thought finding the right pants was hard before, it is quadruply hard now.

My pants criteria:
1. Not too tight.
2. Not too baggy.
3. Must have some stretch in it.
4. Must not stick like cellophane to my derriere and thighs. That makes me feel very annoyed. And sad. And no one likes to be around me when pants are having this kind of bad influence on me. Just ask Don.
5. Oh and must be affordable. ****Which it seems to be impossible to find a pair of pants that fits these criteria and only cost $5.
6. Does not make my bottom look like I need a sign on it that says "wide load."
7. Makes me feel skinny. (Also, might be impossible at this point)

And there is why I never wear pants. But I really want to. Because sometimes a girl wants to dress up. (And in my case dress down).

What do you think of these pants?
Don't you think if the model has a wide bottom in these pants there is no hope for the rest of us? And by the rest of us, I mean me. Sorry to lump all of you my friends into the wide load category. I think you all have very, very nice backsides. So does Don.
Juuuuuust kidding.

Every night when I pick up my house, I find babies and things that Chloe has put to sleep. It is probably one of my favorite things she does. It never fails to make me chuckle. Here are a couple examples. I think I will start taking pictures, because she seriously is always putting things to sleep.

Today she put the Hello Kitties asleep. I love that they have a small blanket for covers.

I told Don that she loves to put things to sleep.

He said she should get a job at the State Penitentiary.

I hope none of you were offended by this joke. I know I was.

I just wish that she loved putting herself down for bed as much as inanimate objects.

Oh this is the day her Cousin came over and she had to change her outfit so they would be matching.

Sigh. I love, love, love my Chloe. She brings a smile to my face every single day.

Ouch.

Sunday I was making some potato soup irnoically for a friend who had fallen and couldn't walk, and Chloe was outside flipping out because she couldn't get the watering can out from behind the pool fence. It was really annoying. I must have been distracted by my annoyance of the, "Mommy...GET....IT...OUT!!!" that I forgot how to walk.

As I walked out the back door to my patio I rolled my ankle, and next thing I know I am going down like trillion pound elephant, landing squarely on my left knee. It pretty much killed. I was sure I had sprained one of my ankles, possible both. Luckily on further assessment, ankles were okay. Knee was not.

I am not ashamed to say I sobbed for a good 5 minutes, maybe 10, out of pain and frustration with myself for inexplicably falling.

And then I thought for a minute, uh...hope that didn't do anything to the baby. No matter the fall if you are pregnant you always think about that. Especially me. Because I like worrying. Well I don't know if I like it, but I do it. Often. Something I hope to overcome by the time I am 90, but I am still working on it.

Well I dial up my Dad:
"Dad, I fell."

"what shoes were you wearing?"

"I wasn't wearing any shoes.
Do you think the baby is okay?"

"Oh probably. How did you land?"

"Not on my stomach."

"You are probably okay."

"Well what is the worst that could have happened?"
(Here is where worry wart Melissa comes out)

"Oh, you could have torn the placenta and you would miscarry.
(Oh is that all...)
But you are probably okay."

"Okay."

"You just need to be more careful next time."
(Okay, next time I will just walk out the door instead of seeing how many cartwheels I can do before I get outside)

So I was appeased. But then worry wart Melissa reared her ugly head and so I called my on call Nurse who told me "the universal protocol is that we send you to the hospital to get monitored."

Ugh. Should NOT have called.

So I called my Dad again.

"Dad, do you think I need to go to the hospital to get monitored."

"No. What are they going to do for you there? They can't do anything if something is wrong anyway. You are too early."
(Reassuring and unreassuring at the same time)

So I didn't end up going.
As I am sure you all suspected, baby is fine. I got checked at my regular appointment the next day.
But holy cow my knee hurts.
But oh well, these things happen.
Especially when you happen to be a klutz and pregnant at the same time, it is a very dangerous combination.
That is why I have stopped riding my unicycle and doing cartwheels. And running with knives.
Here's to hoping no more accidents.

Maybe it is just because I live in the desert, but I feel very sorry for this baby. I suppose these would come in handy if you lived in like Alaska or I guess anyplace cold, or if you were traveling by handcart across the United States in the dead of winter.

But I don't think I will be in need of one of these. Ever. Unless there comes a time when we have to travel across the United States in the dead of winter with a handcart.

Then I will buy one. Probably in every color.