This has been a week of extremes.  Some mind blowing awful things happened in the world, and also closer to home. And it feels strange and somewhat wrong to not mention those.  And yet it also feels wrong to mention in the same post that we had a great time at the Wiggles Concert.
And thus life. While for some, life has been forever altered and for a time their world has stopped turning, for others, life continues moving forward as if nothing has happened.
A week after my Mom died I remember going to see "The Perfect Storm" with my Dad.  It was the first time since she had died, that I was doing something "normal."  It was so strange.  My life had completely changed, and yet here I was at a movie.  Surrounded by people who were just going about their day like any other day.
I look back on that now, and realize that perhaps some of those people were in fact going through something similar as myself.  Their own personal hardship or tragedy.
This past week, I have had my mind on those that are currently taking their unwanted walk in the gut wrenching, oxygen deprived, land of grief.
My heart goes out to all of you.

Every Night Is Talent Night

I am not really sure where Chloe came up with her current talent show obsession.  But every night after the sun goes down, Don and I are a captive audience.  We get to shine the flashlight, turn off all the lights, and introduce Chloe from behind our living room curtains.  The talent show usually runs for no less than 45 minutes.  Chloe does mostly lyrical dance, and Macie basically just spins around until she is dizzy and can't walk straight.  Chelsey has participated in one of our very first talent shows.  But she has since given up performing.  I think she considers her talent above the other performers.  During the show she became exasperated and lamented, "Hmpf. These people don't know how to dance."

Perhaps you can see the things hanging from the ceiling.  They are stars and one large flower.  Chloe was very particular with how her stage was to look. She made all the stars and the flower and insisted that they hang from the ceiling.  She told me exactly where they were to hang.  I was actually pretty impressed with her backdrop.  Maybe she has a future career as a stage hand, that is if the performing thing doesn't work out.  I hope it does though.  I have always wanted to be a stage Mom.

Also, her cousin came over the other day and since her cousin was wearing a white dress, Chloe had to put on her white dress. A little while later I am not sure what happened, but Chloe became very dissatisfied with her dress and said, "I hate this dress! I look like an Indian!"  (By the way, I have no idea where she got the Indian thing from.) And I chuckled to myself when her cousin reassuringly told her, "You look beautiful, as always."  I just don't even know what to say.

Last Sunday, after I was finished playing the piano in church, I came down to the pew to sit next to Chloe.
I could tell she was miffed and sad about something.  So she sat on my lap, and slumped herself over.  I tried very hard not to laugh looking at her bright pink lipstick, not exactly within the lines.  I had no idea she brought my lipstick to church, and that while I was playing the piano, she had put the lipstick on.
So I asked, "What's wrong?"
And she said, "I am sad.  *Sally laughed at my lipstick. (*Sally is another 5 year old girl who was sitting behind her)  And it made me feel sad."
 (pause)
"I hate this outfit! It looks weird! I want to go home!!"
And I said, "What? I made you that skirt. I thought you liked it."
And she said, "Well I do. But I just don't like it with this shirt.  It looks weird."
Again...I just don't even know what to say.


Finally, this past week I overheard Chloe and her friend Mo talking in the other room.
Mo: I want to go to Disneyland.
Chloe: Me too.  (squeal) I know!!!! We can sell lemonade and make money to go to Disneyland!"
Mo: Ya!!!!!!

I, in the other room, laughed and then cringed.  1. I did not want to clean up the lemonade making mess or any of the subsequent messes that would undoubtedly go with it.  2.  I did not want to sit outside and supervise in 110 degree weather.
I helped them make a sign in which I was instructed to write, "Lemonade 10 cents (They originally suggested 5 dollars but I thought that was a little steep.) For Disneyland and for Hot people."

They ended up making 1 dollar.  So they only need to sell about 1000 more cups.  2000, if they want to go together.
And then there was a little scuffle about how to split up the money evenly.
So Chloe ripped the bill in half.

The End.

I found something out about Chelsey tonight that I can't believe I didn't know.
She told me that she has never told anyone this, not even Dad. But that she felt like it was finally the right time that she told someone. 

It started out while I was laying in Chloe and Chelsey's room trying to get them to sleep.  And Chelsey told me that she had some things that she was thinking about and she wanted to tell me.
Here is basically how the conversation went:

Chelsey: Do you remember in May when we went to the Luau?
Me: Yes...  and you were sad after...
Chelsey: Ya.  But it wasn't because I was sad that I never got to take dance lessons.  It was for another reason.
(pause)
I am always going to miss a certain thing and/or person...I am always going to think of her from time to time, every day.
Me: What made you think of Mom when we went to the Luau?
Chelsey: Well, I just thought of her because she was a folk dancer and so she would have liked it.
Me: Oh, I see.


Then she went through all the details of my Mom's passing, which I won't mention here as they are rather personal.
When she got to the end of the account she said:
"And that's when I started watching television all the time.
And then in December 2002, I was still missing her, and still feeling sad, and that is when I started watching "The Wiggles." 
Because I needed someone to teach me songs.  And I needed someone to teach me dances.
Me: Ohhhh...so you started watching the Wiggles because Mom wasn't around to teach you those songs and dances?
Chelsey: Exactly!

(pause)
The main reason I started watching The Wiggles is number 1, to honor Mom.  And number 2, it's fun!
The Wiggles helped me be happy when I was sad and missing Mom.  They helped me to feel happy again..


I wish that I could have recorded what she was saying.  I can't remember everything exactly how she said it.  But it all makes sense now, her love affair with The Wiggles.  The Wiggles were her grief therapy! They brought happiness back into her life.  And she loves them so much because they remind her of my Mom.  And when she listens and dances to them, she feels like she is honoring our Mom.  I had no idea that in her brain, The Wiggles and my Mom are connected.  I am constantly surprised by these windows of profound depth that I witness in my "handicapped" little sister. 

School Schmool

I seriously have a pit in my stomach thinking about Chloe starting kindergarten.  And I am trying to figure out exactly why. So I am making a list.
1.  She is my baby! I can't send her away!  Once you send them off to school, they are gone from you like half of their day, and that is half of their little impressionable life.  And I am not okay with this! Before I know it she will be graduating and leaving the house.  And I know that sending her off to school is just speeding up the process.
I want to just send her to half day, but all the schools around here are full day.  I know I could pull her out early, but I know she would feel like she was missing out and would want to stay.
2. I dread, DREAD having to have her be somewhere, dressed and fed by 7:25 AM. Punctuality is not my strength.  Neither is being happy about getting up at 6 AM.
3.  I have all these icky feelings that stem from my own school experience.  School wasn't horrible, but you could not pay me enough to do it over again.  I was so, so, so, so, so glad to be out of public school and the master of my own life and time after graduation.  I literally get the heebee geebees thinking about being stuck in one building, one classroom, one teacher, one group of kids, for half a day for almost a whole year. And so it is really hard for me to put my daughter in a situation that I personally would hate to be in. 
4. I shudder thinking about Chloe sitting her little bum down on those elementary school potties. 
5. lice.
6. Dirty School cafeterias.

In my perfect world this is what I envision for Chloe:
1. School started in September and got out in May.  It seems the school year gets longer and longer and I am not okay with this.  They are starting school August 8th? What the?!  I remember starting school closer to the end of August. 
2. I think that half day kindergarten, which seems to come out to about 3 hours, is too short, but a full day is too long.  I would like to send Chloe to school at 9 AM and I would like her to come home at 1 PM.  I think kids should get their academics over with, and then I think they should get the rest of the day to explore and play. At home.
3. I would like Chloe's school to have the atmosphere of a Disney movie.  Yes I know that it is not real, but I think children should live in a beautiful, innocent world for as long as possible.  I want her classroom to be surrounded by trees and chirping birds and colorful paintings, and happy music, and a teacher that talks like, and is as sweet as Princess Aurora.  I have met too many teachers with bad attitudes and an obvious dislike for children.
So, does anyone know of a school like this? Probably right next to my dream house.  You know the one, in a forest, by the ocean, with an orange grove and an apple orchard, snow 2 weeks out of the year (just for Christmas) and 70 degrees for the 4th of July. 
Well I feel a little better now.

12 Years

Today marks the 12 year anniversary of my Mom's death.  She had a heart attack at the age of 49, a result of a difficult lifelong struggle with type 1 diabetes.  It is still hard to wrap my head around, even after 12 years.  The memories I have of life with her here, seem like another lifetime ago.  But I will always be grateful that she was here as long as she was, and I know that she is never really far away.

Stategery

After my Dad and I spent an hour trying every bribe we could pull out of our hat, Chloe finally took her medicine when promised a Barbie and a "talent show shirt."  (The talent show shirt needs to have "a ballerina and lots of sparkles")
I said to myself, I need to come up with a different strategy because I don't have 200 dollars to spend on bribes.
And then I remembered that Don can always trick Chloe into going to bed by telling her that he is going to beat her to her bedroom. 
The girl loves competition. 
And so I said to myself..I wonder...
And so I said to Chloe:
"Chloe. I bet you can't drink this in less than 10 seconds."
And she snatched that medicine right out of my hand and chugged it down.
Hallelujah.
Well played Melissa.

Send in the men with the white jacket.

1. Chelsey has been here all week.  At 6:30 AM she stomped into my room and demanded to know who took her pencil.  Chloe, who was in my bed, and who has been suffering from an ear infection all week, began crying whilst Chelsey went on her rampage, declaring that Chloe was not allowed to use her pencil any longer for any of her "make believe games." 
Then five minutes later Chelsey began a new rampage about her missing white socks.  She told me that if her socks had cartoons on them, she wouldn't be having these problems because there are just too many white socks around here.  And this has been rewound, played back, rewound, played back, rewound played back...the entire day.
2. Chloe has to take antibiotics 3 times a day.  For 10 days.  And it takes an hour every single time for me to convince her that she needs/has to take her medicine.  She thinks it is torture, but I attest the misery is shared.

Chloe was asking me about why one of her friend's parents weren't married anymore...

(uh, help?)

And then she goes, "Well they used to like each other, so why don't they just stay together?"

Oh crap, some of these questions are really hard.

Eavesdropping on Chelsey:

"A 5 year old that doesn't respect me....
A 30 year old that is busy and doesn't respect me...
My family is a bunch of nutcases!!!!"

The 2nd and the 4th and everything in between.

 Today Chloe told me, "Mom, I don't want freckles!!"
And I said, "Well I have freckles, don't you like my freckles?"
And she said, "Yes.  But I don't like freckles on me."
And I said, "Well I think you are beautiful.  With freckles or without freckles." (trying to cover both bases here)
And she said, "Well I just don't like freckles. I don't want freckles!"
And so I said, "Why don't you like freckles?"
And she said, "Well I do like freckles with straight hair. But I just don't like freckles with curly hair."
???
So last week she told me she doesn't want to wear a certain dress because she doesn't want her friends to laugh at her for looking "fat."  And this week she tells me that curly hair and freckles is a lousy combination.
I think I will turn these discussions over to Don to deal with.  He loves talking about these types of things.  He loves to try to understand the female psyche.  And if there is one thing he loves talking about, it is female insecurities, especially when it comes to weight and physical appearance.
(Actually,  Don would rather gauge his eyes out with fingernail clippers.) 

Anyway. This past week we celebrated 1. My Dad's birthday. and 2. The 4th of July.
I basically forced my Dad to come over for dinner on his birthday.  Don suggested we have carne asada tacos.  He told me to get a specific meat from a specific Carneceria.  But I didn't follow his suggestion because it was 100 billion degrees outside and I just couldn't bring myself to traveling to one other store just to get meat.  Instead I got the meat that was on sale and we all wore down our teeth just trying to make it small enough to travel down our throats.  Everyone tried to be polite about it though.  Except for Chelsey.  I can always count on her to tell the truth.  And she told me about 3 billion times that it was "the worst meat I have ever eaten. Steak is the worst meat in the history of the universe.  I am never eating steak again.  I am never eating at another person's house ever again for the rest of my life."  So as you can see, she enjoyed the dinner.

 Chloe took pictures of the birthday card she made. She had me "write down the words that I say."

 The card read:
Dear Grandpa. Hope you have a great birthday.  I hope you like my rainbow.  It has many colors in it.  I made a picture for you.  It's on this card.  Look on the back so you can see it."

 "Steak is the worst meat in the history of the universe." -Chelsey Mott

 Fernanda (brother's girlfriend)

Chloe also had Chelsey be her scribe for a note she left for me on my dresser.  It said:
"Don't take my crouns away this time then all hafe to start all over.  these crowns are for aunt lizzy do not take them away."
Liz, somewhere Chloe has a stash of paper crowns waiting for you. And I DID NOT throw them away.

The 4th of July we went to our Church pancake breakfast.  It was actually a really nice morning because it was overcast.  And it even started to rain.  I can't even remember the last time we had rain here.  Then we headed down to St. David to my in law's house.  Don's brother's, Curtis and Rey, and my Dad and Chelsey also came  We had a BBQ lunch (thankfully there was no steak) and enjoyed more rain.  Ironically the nearby fireworks show was canceled due to the dry conditions.  So we ended up going a little further to Sierra Vista for the fireworks show which was a disappointment for the adults, but the kids loved it, and that is what really matters.
I took my Dad for a little ride around the farm on the Pro Hauler, which probably goes about 15 MPH.  He told me to be careful and that we could break our necks.

Chloe and Macie were in heaven with all the farm animals, including a new batch of kittens.  Macie was so excited that she just put her face right in the kitten's face, and screamed.  I was pretty excited too and almost did the same thing.

 The cuteness factor was off the charts.  I could hardly contain myself.

We had a wonderful time actually being able to go outside and spending time with our family.

Chloe's Dream

"Mom! I had the best dream last night!  I was in the swimming pool holding the hose really high and it made a rainbow that flew around the sky, around the whole city! and everyone saw it, and even Chelsey! "


Also, one night I was asking Chloe why she won't wear the cute pink ruffly dress that I bought her.  And she told  me:
"It is too big.  It makes me look fat.  And I don't want my friends to laugh at me."

?????
Does it SERIOUSLY start this young??!!

 It was another super week.  I was enjoying finally feeling better after my bout with hand, foot, mouth disease, and 2 days later I noticed a tickle in my throat.  I said to myself, surely I am not getting sick again.  But I did.  And why is it that every stage of the cold, is equally awful.  I can't decide which symptom I think is the worst.  First it is the sore throat.  Then it is the stuffy nose.  Then the plugged ears.  And then not being able to smell, (which actually might be the worse being that it ruins my favorite past time:eating).  And finally the phlegm moves into your throat and you spend the next week coughing it out.  I do not think it is fair that you can get a cold when it is 112 degrees outside.  It feels like your head is submerged in a hot tub.  I hate colds.  The end.

And in other news, Macie figured out how to climb onto the bathroom counter via the commode. 

 

Chloe's cousin came to our house this weekend.  They dressed up as Ariel.  Both of them.  They got on their bellies and tried "swimming" on the carpet.  But then they figured out that it was a really slow way to get around, so they turned themselves into the human Ariel.                                     

   And then they took a billion pictures of each other.                                                                                As you can see, they are real tom boys.

 Some of these poses makes me think they got a hold of some People Magazines.  Doesn't this pose look exactly like the way they all pose on the red carpet?    So I was pretty proud.  My greatest dreams and aspirations for my daughters is for them to become Hollywood celebrities.  Because they are the happiest, most well adjusted people on the planet.