Still Catching Up

This Christmas season was a whirlwind, as usual. But I really enjoyed this Holiday season...once I got the stressful stuff done.
Like our Relief Society Christmas party. For people who are not Mormon, that means a party for the women in our church.
And I was so busy that night that I didn't get a chance to take any pictures so I turned my camera over to a friend who took some pictures for me.
Unfortunately she didn't get any of the most impressive part of the party: a fake fireplace with a real (but fake) fire going. I have a rocket scientist (no she seriously is) on our committee and another woman is an engineer and they basically turned the gym into Bethlehem.

It was sort of amazing. Basically the program portion was turned over to them who put on a pretty legitimate nativity, complete with costumes and sets...and a real (but fake) fire.

And I put myself in charge of what I do best: food.
With A LOT A LOT A LOT of help from everyone else on the committee.
The menu had started out as:
roast beef
mashed potatoes
glazed carrots
salad
rolls
green beans
corn
A chocolate fountain with assortment of dipping features
Hot Coco and Cider

And then I realized....
I was pregnant. And exhausted. And that I didn't have a bottomless stash of money that I could (or SHOULD) use.
And the thought of mashing that many potatoes and dividing out that many roasts to cook made my head spin.

So we simplified, and all in all, I think put on a pretty respectable "spread" as my Grandma would have said.

The revised menu was:
Glazed ham
Green beans with bacon
THE BEST Green Salad with apples and grapes and Bacon of course (thanks to Maggie for the recipe)
Homemade rolls (thanks Sister Nelson)
Baked Potatoes with the important fixings
Hot Coco and Cider
Ghirardelli Brownies and Ice Cream

It was. Delicious. I am still convinced the best way to serve a potato however is mashed with lots of butter, salt and pepper.
Next time I will (hopefully) be up for the challenge.
My friend says she has a great recipe for red mashed potatoes that you don't have to peel.
I will for sure be using this in the future.

Wow. I must be hungry. That was a ridiculous amount of time to spend on talking about food. Actually quite pathetic really.

Anyway the evening was a success and I felt so happy when it was all over.
I think the women had a nice dinner, a lovely program, felt the Christmas Spirit and got to mingle...and that was our goal when we set out.

(Did I mention this was a group effort? I don't want to give off the impression this was all my doing.)

And I realized I never, never, never want to be a wedding planner/caterer or anything of the sort.
Good thing our Church pays well. Why would anyone do this all for free??!!
Just kidding. No one got paid. Except for blessings in heaven.

I Should Not Be Allowed to be Barefoot and Pregnant.

So yesterday was a fantastic day.
I fell for the flipping third time this pregnancy.
All three times I was barefoot.
And two times I slipped on the invisible water on my tile floor.
When I hit the floor I was furious.
I didn't hurt myself but every time I fall I worry that I messed something up inside.
And since this was my 3rd time I felt my luck was running out.
Well I told myself it was fine.
And then my nurse called to tell me about my blood work.
So we chatted.
And then I said, "I shouldn't even tell you this, because I know you are going to tell me to go to the hospital, but I fell."
I guess I was hoping she would say, Oh it was just a little fall, no big deal. (I never learn)
But instead she said, "Well you would be surprised, even the smallest jolt can do damage, and you could have torn the placenta and not even know for 24 hours that something was wrong and by then you could lose your baby."
Or something like that. I'm not so sure about all the technical stuff except for the "silent abruption" and "baby dying" part.
Not really the information I wanted to hear.
So then I talked to my Dad, whose first words out of his mouth were, "Melissa, you've got to stop doing this."
"This" as in falling.
Well believe me, I would sincerely like to. But then again he gives me the advice to "drive carefully" every time I talk to him.
Well since you said that, I guess I will forgo the drag racing with my neighboring Toyota I had planned on.
Anyway, after about a ten minute conversation with my Dad about the specifics of my fall, the speed at which I went down, the angle I fell at, whether I braced myself or not, and other specifics that only a scientist with a camera and measuring devices would be able to make any conclusions about, my Dad simply said, "Well I can't tell what you what to do. It is a decision you have to make. Just ask yourself, if you lost the baby, would you have wished that you would have gone in."
Grrrrrr. I hate that question.
So I reluctantly, being the over cautious person that I am, went over to to the hospital to get monitored.
So I sat there for a few hours with some doohickeys on my belly taking her heart beat and I watched Oprah and cable, and I have to admit, I had a semi enjoyable time. Four hours to myself to watch idiot television was not so bad.
I found the show "I didn't Know I was Pregnant" on the Discovery channel and was mystified by the ditziness of these women who supposedly had no idea they were pregnant until they went into labor.
I thought it was rather ironic I was watching this show while I was being monitored for slipping, and these women had healthy babies with no prenatal care and had their babies on the back of a boat. Well just one woman had her baby on the back of a boat.
I also enjoyed room service and ate my dinner at 4:30 PM like an old person. I also ate like an old person. "Pork" (I would like a second opinion) and buttered noodles.
And then after an uneventful 3 and a half hours they said I was fine and sent me home.
But first I was ushered through the billing department, lest I forget this was not some free vacation I won on the Price is Right.
After being thoroughly confused by my insurance plan, I was told the only thing I really remember, and that was that my little retreat would cost me $350.
Can someone pppppplease tell me how me sitting with a doohickey on my belly, a tray of nasty of hospital food, and 3 viles of blood drawn, could possibly add up to $350. And that is just my portion. So my stay really was 1000 bucks the other portion covered by insurance.

So moral of the story.
I am not really sure.
Except for that I am wearing shoes with traction from now on.
And I cannot wait until my clutziness only affects my body and not someone elses. It is quite a responsibility to be in charge of another person.
But then again, I give myself props. I am doing pretty good.
At least I won't be having this baby on the back of a boat.
Hopefully.

Catching Up

I have a lot of blogging to catch up on. Please, please, contain your excitement. You will learn of our family outings and adventures in due time. I know you have been on pins and needles. "Just what have the Mortensens been up to. I must know." These posts might even be more fascinating than my Christmas wish lists. So here we go. Oh by the way. The above picture is just of Chloe drinking out of her straw glasses, a gift from some of our friends.
And now on to Thanksgiving. It is now past Christmas and let's see what I can remember about Thanksgiving. Ummmmm... I am drawing a blank. But I can tell you, our car got covered in leaves. See?
And we (sort of) helped with the annual pecan harvest.
Chloe loves LOVES "tractor" rides.
And I looked ridiculous.
Don looks poetic.
Not even the wee ones get out of helping at the Mortensen farm.
Being the genius that she is, she picked pecan sorting up pretty fast. She is ready for a full fledged job at a factory. I am thinking we can get her a job at a cotton factory where she can crawl under all the machines and do whatever it is they do there, she might lose an arm or some fingers, but she needs to learn that she has to start pushing her own weight around here. Life ain't no fancy free picnic.

Aaaaaa and then there was the dinner, which was delicious of course.
I made some apple bread pudding pie and sweet potato casserole. At about 1 in the morning.
And Don's Dad said some profound things before we ate, we are glad to see he is doing better after 2 major surgeries in the space of a couple months.
We, I mean "they" played soccer also Thanksgiving day, which I have no pictures to show and...that is pretty much what went down over Thanksgiving.

If you didn't get a Christmas card from us this year, don't fret, no on did. It was something on my list that did not happen. One of these days I will do it, because I realized with each snail mail I got, I felt so happy to be reminded of all of our wonderful family and friends!
If I had written a card, I would have wanted to send a personal message to each of you...and it would say something like:
Thank you for all your friendship and love. We feel so blessed to have all the important things in life. ie family, friends, freedom, life, and faith.
Merry Christmas to you all!

2 Conversations with Chloe.
Both almost made me cry.

Last night we were getting ready for bed and she asked me, "Mommy, where's your Mommy?"
She has asked me this before and I explained again...
"My Mommy is in heaven."
"Oh! " she replied. "I have two Grandmas. One in heaven. One with Grandpa."
"That's right."
"Mommy...let's call your Mommy on the phone!"
"I'm sorry but we can't call people in heaven. But we can pray..."
"Ohhhhhh..."

And then our conversation pretty much moved on.
Sigh.
Ya, try not to cry when your daughter says those types of things.
It's impossible.


The other day I told her her hair was "crazy." Which it is when she wakes up, but I love her crazy hair. A little while later that day she said to me, "Mommy, let's cut my hair."
And I said, "Why? I love your hair."
And she said, "It's crazy."

Can you believe that?
Wow. Girls start young.
And I have to be very careful with the words I use.

For my out of state friends. This is me large and in charge. Mostly just large.

So I was looking on Craigslist for any amazing deals on Christmas toys. And I saw this. And it struck me as funny.
I wish this person luck.
Teddy Bears are pretty much useless, let alone a themed one with a random year printed on the foot.
But maybe I don't understand teddy bear collecting or something.

I can officially start enjoying the Christmas season now. Up until now, I have been feeling insane with busyness. One of these days I will write about Thanksgiving. And the other stuff if I ever get around to it. If I never do, here are the bullets of what we have been up to:

*Don got inducted into the Boy Scout "Hall of Fame" and we got a nice free dinner and to sit through a reaaaaaaally long award ceremony. Finally all his hard work is paying off. It is all about the badges and awards for him. Why else would he camp with a bunch of 12 year olds once a month and drive home with their stinkyness. That's a joke. In all sincerity I am very proud of him. The boys he works with are very lucky to have him, he goes above and beyond and really cares about them. And I think my attitude has come around about 68 percent in the last 5 years he's been the Scout Master. Maybe in the next, it will come around the last 32%.
That is only if I get fed a free dinner once a year, minus the award ceremony part.
Also I would like a plaque. And I want it to say, "Scout Master Wife of the Year."
Or..."You Could Pull Off One of Those Pale Yellow Shirts If You Had To."

*I put on a last minute luncheon for a funeral.

*I taught the lesson in Relief Society the next day.

*I was in charge (with massive amounts of help and initiation from too many people to mention) of our Relief Society Christmas party which was a smashing success (due to the massive amounts of help and initiation from too many people to mention).
Oh, I never want to be a caterer or wedding planner, etc. etc.

*I sat in a lab for an hour after I drank my kool aid to see if I have gestational diabetes and timed it perfectly to get some other blood work done so they would only have to poke me once. But they forgot about the other lab work so now I have to go back and get poked again. Though getting poked is no big deal, it's the getting to the lab with Chloe that does not go on my top 10 list of fun things to do.

*Oh, I have been reminded how delightful the last trimester is with sleeping and dressing and walking and such. I am not complaining...okay I kinda am...I mean, I'm grateful and all...but I don't like feeling like an old lady. But baby is 2 pounds and growing nicely and I CANNOT WAIT to see her in person. In other news, we still don't have a clue about what her name will be, except for Don thinks "Nellie" is a good option.
Ya. That's what I said.

Anyway, I don't think the above bullets have proved of my busyness, but believe you me. I am happy to get back to my normal routine. And I am happy to not have anything more I am "in charge" of for the rest of the month.
Still left to do: parties, cooking, shopping, and caroling.
All of which, I am NOT in charge of. Except for the shopping.
But you know me. That won't bother me a bit.

Chloe Stories.

1. The other day I found a container of sprinkles with a spoon, hidden inside her closet.

2. The other day she didn't want to go to bed because she wanted to watch a movie we got from the library. We told her no. She apparently did not like that answer because she hid the DVD and we have looked high and low for it and it remains to be seen.

3. The night before Thanksgiving, she laid down on a blanket with my older sister and watched "Lady and the Tramp." I am too embarrassed to admit what time it was. Out of nowhere she sighs and then says, "This is nice." She stayed up for the entire movie.

4. Thanksgiving day she really wiped herself out with all her hard work playing and such. At 7 PM she said something she has never said before. "I'm tired. Let's go to bed." I thought she was kidding. But she was not. I took her upstairs and laid down by her. She wiggled and sang and talked to herself and I said to myself, well it was a nice thought. And then she started to sing the alphabet. She got to the letter "Q" then all the sudden her eyes closed, her mouth stopped, and she was out cold. It was like I found her off switch and unknowingly pushed it. I have not been able to find the off switch since.

5. Her Christmas list:
A pink skirt.
And ballet shoes.

My Boot story:
I have been in search of the perfect boot. I have never owned a pair of boots before. I am very particular in what I want. I don't want to look like a lady of the night, and I don't want to look like I shovel cement, and I don't want to look like I am 13, or that I am about to emabark on a journey up Mount Everest. Oh, and I don't want to spend more than (undisclosed) dollars.
Well I found the perfect pair at TJ Max. I did not understand how these boots were still on the shelf and how they had made it to TJ Max. Nevertheless I said that to myself that luck had finally befell me.
I tried one on and this lady in a velour sweat suit comes out from somewhere and says, "Ohhhhhh...cute boot."
I said, "Aren't they! They are a little snug..."
I guess the "are a little snug" part was reason enough for her to go grab the other half of the pair and then stare at me while I was examining my half of the pair of boots.
I thought, well this is awkward.
Then she asked, "How much are they?"
I had not bothered to check yet. Afterall they were at TJ Max, I am sure they are cheap!
I turn over the boot- "150 dollars."

Both of us put our boot back.

Good thing. Cause there might have been a brawl.

I'd like to thank All State for this very educational commercial.
I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to teach Chloe about street safety.
Ever since she saw this commercial and I pointed out that is what happens when you get hit by a car (well sort of), she has been afraid of crossing the street without me.

My friend is doing a 12 days of Christmas giveaway on her Sassy Pepper Blog. A new giveaway for 12 days in a row, check it out and enter to win!

Oh, and don't you think this would make a perfect diaper bag?

To whoever stole my crystal mistletoe:
Please return it immediately to my house. I know that you snuck into my garage in the middle of June when I would least expect it, rummaged through my box of Christmas decorations, and took off with my most favorite of Christmas decorations. It was not a very nice thing for you to do.
You are probably the same person who stole my nativity from my storage closet 5 years ago.
This is the only possible explanation for how my favorite Christmas decorations keep disappearing.
I am extremely sad about my mistletoe.
Just look it at how cool it was.
And that is why I know you stole it.

Dear Don,
Feel free to buy me these shoes.
So I know my blog has seemed a little materialistic these days.
You know, my Christmas list and all.
It is because to keep my sanity, I like to just imagine things I could wear that would help me feel like I am somewhat still a girl.
Which doesn't really make sense, being pregnant in and of itself should make me feel like a girl right?
I mean, girls are the only ones that can be pregnant...well currently.

Someone told me, " Three Months sick.
Three Months quick.
Three Months thick."

Yep. That pretty much covers it.
I am at a loss right now as to what to wear being that all my shirts are now to short, even my "long" ones.
I usually feel a gentle breeze along my midsection which tells me that I have skin showing.
I cannot see it of course, but I can feel it.
I assume other people can see it.
And I assume it is not a pretty picture.
Therefore, I have decided that I need to go back to wearing my skirts. But...I am going to need some boots, because it is cold now.
Do not laugh, it is cold.

Final conclusion: Boots are not a want. They are a necessity.
I am also going to need some new accessories to take the focus off my "blossoming" figure.

Thank you Don.
Also, I could really use these as an early Christmas present.

Okay I am done imagining now. Back to my breezy midriff.
Also, I have changed my opinion on leggings. I am ready to give them a try.

I'm thankful for Mom jeans. What are you thankful for? Happy Turkey day friends!

We had a visiting teaching conference this past Saturday, which sounds Chinese of you are not Mormon. Basically it was a church party. But if you are in the Relief Society Presidency and ever need a good idea for your Visiting Teaching Conference, I thought this was a pretty good idea. Oh here is a picture of our Relief Society Presidency. And most importantly my belly. And large thighs.
I am posting 2 because the first one shows my belly better, but I felt bad posting just that one because my friend has her eyes closed in that one.
So we had food. And I burned the egg casserole.
And muffins. Oh, I didn't burn the muffins, the other ladies made them. They did not burn the muffins.


And shoes. So basically we had a shoe fashion show, and described different types of visiting teachers and what kind of shoe they were. The flip flop, was there one month but not the next...the boot came but stayed so long you had to boot them out...etc. Like I said if you want to copy the idea, just contact me and I will give you more information.
I made some little flowers.
I cannot take credit for the shoe cut outs however.
My talents involve buying things. Like flowers. From Safeway. That is something I excel in.

Oh. I just discovered TJ Max recently. Never been in there before. But I saw the purse that I wanted a year ago but didn't buy because I don't believe purses should be priced more than a few doctors visits. But at TJ Max it was somewhat reasonable. And would make a perfect diaper bag. Hint hint Don.

I also discovered that I Melissa, am not allowed in these types of places. Because everything seems like such a great deal that I want to buy everything.
I will have you know I didn't buy anything, except a little outfit for Chloe. Which she loves because it has ballet shoes on it. And it is pink. That child is extremely picky about clothes. She hates pants. I told Don that it was so annoying I can't get her to wear pants and he said, ya...I don't know anyone else that hates wearing pants.

And then I realized. My daughter is my spin off. And I cannot judge her distaste for pants since I myself mostly despise them.
Thank goodness for stretch pants.
I do not say thank goodness for stretch pants in my case however, you will never see me in stretch pants. Now before I offend anyone, that me say that I think others look cute with stretch pants, I just think it is a style I will not attempt to pull off.

The story of Old Bony Legs, as told by Chloe with the assistance of myself:

One day at my Dad's house, Chloe was introduced to the story of "Old Bony Legs." It captivated her. Ever since then she asks to be told the story of Old Bony legs 55 trillion times a day. Although, it is not the real story of Old Bony Legs. It is a mismash of stories that she likes to mix together. It makes absolutely no sense, but it is the story that she like me to tell.

Chloe: Tell it, tell it, tell it!
Me: Tell what?
Chloe: Old Bony Legs...and Jasmine!
Me: Okay
Once upon a time, there was a princess named...
Chloe: Jasmine!
Me: Jasmine. And she locked herself in her house.
And then Old bony legs came up to her door and knocked.
And then what happened?
Chloe: Jasmine say, "What are you doing here old Bony legs? Go away away old bony legs!"
Me: "I am just here to say Hi to my friend Jasmine, can I come in?"
And then what happens?
Chloe: Go away old bony legs!
Me: "Go away old bony legs! You just want to come over because you want to eat me!" And then what happens?
Chloe: She stomps her feet, and pulls her hair and pinches her nose! (giggles)
Me: Okay. So then who comes by Chloe?
Chloe: Uh....Ariel come by!
Me: So Ariel comes by and knocks on the door. And Jasmine says, Come in on in Ariel! And then they dance.
Chloe: And then Bony Legs come by again.
Me: Old Bony Legs comes by again, and says ," Can I come in and play?" And what does Jasmine say...
Chloe: Uh her say...her say.... YES!
Me: So Bony Legs came in and they hugged.

The End.
It is a very good story isn't it?
The only variations are the others that come by too. AKA the blue car, the mermaid, or sleeping beauty. Oh, or the corn.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chloe went outside one day and shut the door and then knocked.
And I said, who is there?
And she said, "Chloe!"
I said, "Chloe who?"
She said, "Chloe!!"
I said, "I don't know any Chloe's. Chloe who?"
And she replied...
"Chloe Sweetie!!"

And it melted my heart.
She is my sweetie.

The nesting has begun.
I have this insatiable urge to get everything ready, and to dejunk my entire house.
I went through all of the baby clothes yesterday.
And got rather giddy.
Memories of a little squirmy baby came flooding back.
I am getting really, really, really excited.
I still have 3 (and a half, I reluctantly add the half) months to go.
My Dad informed me this labor should go faster and be easier. Hooray!
But then he told me I might go a few days over my due date. Boo.

I realized yesterday pretty much all my 0-3 month onesies are nasty and stained.
I wanted to throw them away. But then Don told me I should keep them because what is the point of buying new non-stained ones when they will be stained the first time she wears them too.
He said I could consider them disposable onesies.
But now I have an excuse to buy a few new little things for her.
I think a new baby deserves at least one new thing to her name, don't you?
Something soft and warm. She will actually need something warm. She will be born in the spring and Chloe was born in the summer. Chloe could get away with a diaper.

Well this is boring.
You can see where my thoughts are.
See I told you I was nesting.
Excuse me I need to go gather some more twigs and leaves.

Wishful Thinking

Dear Don,
I know you like to do your Christmas shopping early.

And I know that you like buying me expensive clothes, because you think that money is well spent on expensive clothes. You think it is a better investment than real estate or fine art, because clothes never go out of style and always increase in value over time. Just like cars and technology. And cell phones. Curse the Razor Cell phone. Oh by the way, I can return it back to China. It will only cost me $26. Hooray.

Anyway, Since I love you,
I have made your life a little easier.

If I was going somewhere fancy, and if I didn't have a protruding belly, I would say go ahead and get me this.

But you can buy me these fancy things because they would fit. And this is a little shout out to my talented friend Leisa. Whom I wish I could afford to buy all her jewelry.

You can go ahead and buy me these shoes.

Or these shoes. I really, really want these shoes.

Why is everything underlined? I don't know how to make it stop.

Well I will keep sending you ideas, I know you will want to buy me more than this because you think I am such an awesome wife. And an awesome Mother. And an awesome cook. And pretty much awesome in all regards. So awesome in fact that I had to underline this all.

Humbly yours,
Melissa

Halloween Part II

Halloween was on Sunday this year which meant we decided to skip the actual trick or treating and instead had dinner at my sister in law Leonore's house. She made some delicious chili and I made some mediocre macaroni and cheese, and I am pretty sure Chloe skipped all the dinner choices and went straight for the "canny." I sort of hate the candy aspect of Halloween. Because it seems for a week all I hear about is candy this, and candy that.



Children however love Halloween, as well they should. Although Chloe needs no excuse to dress up as a princess. This is sort of normal attire.

In other news:
Some of you might remember the sad tale of the demise of my cell phone.
Well I searched far and wide for a good deal on a cell phone.
I thought I had hit the jackpot when I ordered a RAZOR phone on ebay. I thought I was getting a smoking deal because there were 20 other bidders.
I now think they were all planted bids by the employees for the girl I bought it from in China.

I am not all that up on technology and I thought a RAZOR was like the new thing.
Turns out it is like 30 years old.
Okay not really, but it might as well be.
The texting feature on it just about made me insane.
I am assuming it is because the program is 30 years old.
Learning to use the archaic system was like learning how to read braille.
It took me 1o minutes to write "I will call you back."

So I did what any intelligent person would do.
(Besides not buying an old phone on Ebay from China)
I put it on Craigslist.
I am not all that hopeful. I have got some pretty stiff competition.
Which I understand why.
I wonder just home many unfortunate souls were driven to the brink of insanity by the texting features.

Oh, Would any of you like to buy my phone?
$43.
Just let me know.

Yesterday I was about to drive home from my Dad's house.

And I rubbed my eye. And then my contact fell out.

Then my Dad spent 20 minutes telling me not to move as he searched my person for the missing contact.

Which I knew would be like finding a needle in a haystack, especially since it was dark outside.

He ended up having to drive me home. Because I am blind without my contacts.

And you know what, it was pretty awesome. If you are blind too you should try going outside at night and look up at all the street lights. It looks like you are in a big land of giant lollipops. I think f I ever did drugs, this is maybe what my world would look like temporarily.

This is just one small idea for free entertainment.

All that is required is being severely near sighted.

You are welcome.

You know, Halloween is fun. But Halloween can be stressful. This year I remembered why I don't ever bother wearing a costume, or participate in the trunk decorating for our church trunk or treat. It is only stressful because I wait until last minute. Words to the wise:Don't try to decorate your trunk and find costumes with a total of 2 hours to devote to the cause. Because then you might become frustrated when you realize what your costume really needs is a blue cape. Or a mid nineteenth century dress. Because chances are, you probably won't have those lying around in your house, unless you belonged to a weird club in High School. Oh wait, I did. Nevermind. Also, chances are you probably won't have ocean paraphernalia lying around either to turn the back of your car into the "Under the Sea" destination you imagined in your head.
But you can try your darnedest and be very proud of your very mediocre results. In case it wasn't completely obvious, Don is Prince Eric, Chloe is Ariel, and I am Ursula (The one who tried to marry Prince Eric). Geez, I can't believe you couldn't guess that instantaneously.
Lovely.
Also lovely.
But she really was lovely.

Halloween 2010-Little Mermaid. Uh, terrible picture. Too bad I forgot to take any more. I swear she does not have a mullet.

2009-Butterfly
2008- Flower Fairy
2007-Flower Fairy. You can see I had an obsession with winged creatures.
PS Melissa-Why do you have only one picture of Chloe's first Halloween? Lame.

Have I ever mentioned that my Mom was an incredibly talented seamstress? My Mother made us our Halloween costumes.


Unfortunately for these children, so did their Mothers.

I googled images for "Little Mermaid" and these came up, and well, I thought they were sort of hilarious. Let's be honest, The Little Mermaid is probably the hardest Princess costume to recreate. How do you make a Mermaid modest, realistic, and warm?
Well the Mortensen family is going to be characters from the Little Mermaid this year. I am not quite sure how, I am sure it will be rather pathetic, considering we need costumes tonight and I am just barely getting around to thinking about it. Most likely we will have crappy costumes and then we will just wear name tags so people can tell what we are. That's how we roll over here.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! It is 90 degrees...but HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Pants. Pants?

I showed up to a party the other day, and I decided to do something special.

I wore pants.

And my friend said, "Wow. I think this is the first time I have ever seen you wear pants."

And it was most likely true.

I never wear pants. I find them uncomfortable. It is probably because I don't have the right pants. And let me tell you, if I thought finding the right pants was hard before, it is quadruply hard now.

My pants criteria:
1. Not too tight.
2. Not too baggy.
3. Must have some stretch in it.
4. Must not stick like cellophane to my derriere and thighs. That makes me feel very annoyed. And sad. And no one likes to be around me when pants are having this kind of bad influence on me. Just ask Don.
5. Oh and must be affordable. ****Which it seems to be impossible to find a pair of pants that fits these criteria and only cost $5.
6. Does not make my bottom look like I need a sign on it that says "wide load."
7. Makes me feel skinny. (Also, might be impossible at this point)

And there is why I never wear pants. But I really want to. Because sometimes a girl wants to dress up. (And in my case dress down).

What do you think of these pants?
Don't you think if the model has a wide bottom in these pants there is no hope for the rest of us? And by the rest of us, I mean me. Sorry to lump all of you my friends into the wide load category. I think you all have very, very nice backsides. So does Don.
Juuuuuust kidding.

Every night when I pick up my house, I find babies and things that Chloe has put to sleep. It is probably one of my favorite things she does. It never fails to make me chuckle. Here are a couple examples. I think I will start taking pictures, because she seriously is always putting things to sleep.

Today she put the Hello Kitties asleep. I love that they have a small blanket for covers.

I told Don that she loves to put things to sleep.

He said she should get a job at the State Penitentiary.

I hope none of you were offended by this joke. I know I was.

I just wish that she loved putting herself down for bed as much as inanimate objects.

Oh this is the day her Cousin came over and she had to change her outfit so they would be matching.

Sigh. I love, love, love my Chloe. She brings a smile to my face every single day.

Ouch.

Sunday I was making some potato soup irnoically for a friend who had fallen and couldn't walk, and Chloe was outside flipping out because she couldn't get the watering can out from behind the pool fence. It was really annoying. I must have been distracted by my annoyance of the, "Mommy...GET....IT...OUT!!!" that I forgot how to walk.

As I walked out the back door to my patio I rolled my ankle, and next thing I know I am going down like trillion pound elephant, landing squarely on my left knee. It pretty much killed. I was sure I had sprained one of my ankles, possible both. Luckily on further assessment, ankles were okay. Knee was not.

I am not ashamed to say I sobbed for a good 5 minutes, maybe 10, out of pain and frustration with myself for inexplicably falling.

And then I thought for a minute, uh...hope that didn't do anything to the baby. No matter the fall if you are pregnant you always think about that. Especially me. Because I like worrying. Well I don't know if I like it, but I do it. Often. Something I hope to overcome by the time I am 90, but I am still working on it.

Well I dial up my Dad:
"Dad, I fell."

"what shoes were you wearing?"

"I wasn't wearing any shoes.
Do you think the baby is okay?"

"Oh probably. How did you land?"

"Not on my stomach."

"You are probably okay."

"Well what is the worst that could have happened?"
(Here is where worry wart Melissa comes out)

"Oh, you could have torn the placenta and you would miscarry.
(Oh is that all...)
But you are probably okay."

"Okay."

"You just need to be more careful next time."
(Okay, next time I will just walk out the door instead of seeing how many cartwheels I can do before I get outside)

So I was appeased. But then worry wart Melissa reared her ugly head and so I called my on call Nurse who told me "the universal protocol is that we send you to the hospital to get monitored."

Ugh. Should NOT have called.

So I called my Dad again.

"Dad, do you think I need to go to the hospital to get monitored."

"No. What are they going to do for you there? They can't do anything if something is wrong anyway. You are too early."
(Reassuring and unreassuring at the same time)

So I didn't end up going.
As I am sure you all suspected, baby is fine. I got checked at my regular appointment the next day.
But holy cow my knee hurts.
But oh well, these things happen.
Especially when you happen to be a klutz and pregnant at the same time, it is a very dangerous combination.
That is why I have stopped riding my unicycle and doing cartwheels. And running with knives.
Here's to hoping no more accidents.

Maybe it is just because I live in the desert, but I feel very sorry for this baby. I suppose these would come in handy if you lived in like Alaska or I guess anyplace cold, or if you were traveling by handcart across the United States in the dead of winter.

But I don't think I will be in need of one of these. Ever. Unless there comes a time when we have to travel across the United States in the dead of winter with a handcart.

Then I will buy one. Probably in every color.

I need a new phone.
No, I am not being materialistic, I mean I really need a new phone.
We had dinner with some friends last night.
And his kid had a runny nose, like a full on booger nose, and he picked up my phone, and the Dad said, "Don't touch that phone. It's nasty!"
And I laughed really hard because it is the truth.

I will tell you what happened.
Last weekend Don went on a scout camp out.
And since I was home alone I asked a friend if she wanted to go out to dinner.
She said, Yes! Of course.
So we went to Mimi's.
Newsflash: Mimi's is my favorite chain restaurant of all time.
I am never disappointed.

Since I love Mimi's sooooooo much, I of course had to order the 3 course meal for 12.99.
Which included:
-Carrot Bread
-Salad
-Chicken Parmesan with Alfredo pasta and all sorts of delicious things (except for the Basil. I picked that off. I used to love basil. Until I got pregnant. And now I hate basil. I don't know why. But someday I hope to love basil again.)
-Apple Cobbler and ice cream
-And oh about, 3-4 huge glasses of water. Which is what I think really did me in.

Now. I didn't have this problem with Chloe.
I basically could stuff myself with minimal uncomfortableness.
But this time around I tell you, if too much goes down, it all comes up.

So I thoroughly enjoyed my meal and I knew as soon as I finished it, I was in trouble.
I drove my friend home and as soon as I had some privacy I pulled over in the apartment complex parking lot, found a plastic bag, and well....________ _____.
And I felt significantly better.

That is until I realized there was hole in the plastic bag.
And the ________ _____ had now filled up the entire cup holders, and was quickly spilling over into the crevices underneath my seat.
I was horrified.
Also, the _________ ____ had come out my nose which was somewhat unpleasant.
Oh and I had placed my cell phone in the cup holder so my cell phone was well, swimming.

So I went home and did my best to clean it up.
Which by the way, is not so easy to do when a significant amount made it's way underneath the seat and it is basically unreachable.

So then to make a long and disgusting story short (I am so sorry to anyone who read this)
I tried to clean my phone and in so doing it fell apart.
And then I tried to put it back together with super glue.
And I super glued the keys.
Which kind of stunk.
So anyway.
I need a new phone.

And now you know.

So today I discovered I do not have enough patience to teach a 3 year old and a handicapped sister how to cook at the same time.

I thought it would be a nice activity for all of us to do together.
Correction. I had intended on giving my full attention to my sister Chelsey.
Silly me forgot I have a 3 year old curly red headed daughter who's favorite statements are "I do myself" and "I wanna do it, I wanna do it!"

On the menu was spaghetti and chocolate cupcakes.
Making the sauce was minimally painful.
Their responsibilities were just stirring so besides the occasional flung tomato sauce across the room, I'd say we fared okay.

Then we moved to the cupcakes.
I asked Chelsey to open up the box of cake mix.
Next thing I know the explosion of powdery chocolate lands everywhere but the bowl.
Sigh.
Well I wasn't going to give up.
I salvaged what I could.
I told Chloe to go get the milk as a distraction from her wanting to do the eggs.
There was no way in you know where, anyone else was going to do the eggs.
So she got the milk.
And then while my back was turned I hear, "gulp. gulp, gulp..."
Chloe was standing on a chair pouring a half gallon of milk in the bowl with Chelsey watching idly by.

And that is when I said we were taking a break.
Dang. No cupcakes. And now no milk either.

Patience is a virtue.
...I am still learning.

When did life get so busy?
I feel like I am on a runaway train headed towards Christmas.
But busy is good.
Because before I know it I will have a little ball of pinkness to cuddle and snuggle.
I have been looking at everyone's newborns and feeling giddy.
I never thought that would happen again.
When Chloe was about 6 months I just looked at Moms with newborns and said, "you poor thing."
Isn't that sad?
Well this time I am seasoned and resolve to not be a basket case.

Let me just say that I love the toilet.
Well in comparison to the diaper.
I love not buying diapers.
I love that she takes care of her own messes for the most part.
I do not love that she has to touch every square surface in the toilet area, but the above trade offs are worth it.
And we wash her hands very well.

One time I took Chloe to the bathroom where they had automatic toilets.
She wanted to know why it flushed without any effort of her own.
And since I did not know how to explain "automatic" I just told her the toilet was magical.

So now every time she uses a new toilet she asks me ,"Is this a magic toilet?"

And I say, yes, yes it is. Every toilet is magical.
I don't think there is enough magic in the world today.
And we don't need to pay 80 bucks per person to get into Disneyland to find it.
We find it in simple places. Like restrooms.
We live the simple life.

Did I mention Chloe is taking gymnastic lessons?

And by "lessons" I mean they jump on a trampoline and do somersaults.

It's the kind of gymnastics I would like to do.

To tell you the truth I am a little bummed I don't get to jump into the huge pit of blue foam squares.

One of the first memories I have, is of myself with my head on a mat in a gymnasium and my teacher trying to get me to do a somersault. I was deathly afraid of going upside down. And you know what, that hasn't changed much. I am pretty sure I didn't do the somersault and as I recall that was the one and only gymnastic lesson my Mom made me go to. Clearly she realized if I was afraid of a somersault, gymnastics probably wasn't my thing.

My lovely Mother. Oh how she tried. She tried me in ballet, tap, jazz, drill team, a silly summer musical (excruciating), a kids choir (the "Song Birds"), violin (I actually chose that one, I am sure she was not too thrilled with that choice, as I think learning the violin is probably the most ear wrenching instrument to listen to when someone is just starting out. In fact, it takes YEARS to sound non cryptic on the violin), and piano. It didn't help that I was intensely shy as as child and hating having people look at me. None of the dancing type stuff stuck even though I would LOVE that talent, but I do thank her for all the music lessons.

Moms. Aren't Moms just the greatest?

So here I am. Circle of life. And now our girl is getting to the age where she can start trying her hand at different things.

Don really wanted gymnastics.

And since I am somewhat neutral on the subject, I said, by all means, let's try it out!

Well the first lesson was entertaining for me, but probably rather painful for the teacher.

One thing is for sure, Chloe is not afraid of somersaults, or jumping off high distances.

Her listening skills could be improved upon.

Today she was supposed to be sitting on the ground with the other children, and instead she climbed up on a 4 and a half foot high foam thing and when she was told to come down she just jumped off the side.

Don helped me get her ready today.

He pulled out a long sleeve shirt for her to wear and I said, "Don't you think she will be hot?"

And he said, "Well, the Olympic gymnasts wear long sleeves. Haven't you seen them? All their leotards have long sleeves."

And these are the things that I love about my husband.

And by the way, she ended up wearing long sleeves.

A pink long sleeved shirt with a flower that she insisted on wearing.

And a clashing hue of pink shorts.

But at least she was wearing her long sleeves, which is very important for her high bar routines, and balance beam.

I would hate for her arms to get a rash.

Things are going to change around here.
Ain't no more of this here buniness with 3 people sharing a bed no more (Oh, I just started reading a book about a black slave, I have a hard time not picking up the dialect in books.)

Anyway. I admit it. We have gotten into the very bad habit of letting Chloe sleep in our bed. And I pretty much can't take it anymore.
With my body temperature soaring, the last thing I need is one more body taking over my personal space. Plus I have like 2 feet (as in measurement, not like literal feet, but yes, I do have two of those as well) I can call my own in my bed and it is very uncomfortable. I am going to be needing much, much, much, more width than that in these coming days.
In fact, I am considering kicking Don out as well.
Just kidding.
sort of.
So we need to either get rid of one certain pint size individual with curly red hair and a tendency to put her arm down my shirt as she sleeps, or we need to get a California King Sized bed.
I am not sure which one would be easier, but I am pretty sure which one is more affordable.
Well, I might take that back. Depends on how many Barbies I end up having to bribe her with.
21 days to make a habit?
So three weeks time, 3 barbies, I guess this option really is cheaper.
Don said she would do it for a lot less than a Barbie.
A puzzle perhaps.
I told him he doesn't know our daughter very well.


Well I made this very crafty, Etsy worthy chart. I am considering making a few more and starting my own etsy.com business. You will see I drew a picture of Chloe by herself, sleeping in her own bed.
And then I stuck a picture of a Barbie on the paper to remind her of the carrot promised at the end.
She also asked if I could include a picture of Mommy, Daddy, which I gladly obliged.
And then, she wanted a drawing of her friend Teagan, sleeping in her own bed.
So there you have it.
If you would like to buy one of these from me, just let me know who you want me to draw. However you will find that all of my drawings pretty much look the same.
Although, I can differentiate between curly and straight hair in my pictures, and the length of someone's legs.
Other than that, the people in the drawings will not vary much.
But I think that is part of their charm. Don't you agree?
Please buy one.
Cause I am going to need some money to buy some Barbies.
Chloe seems to be in on this, because she asked for some tape, to which she applied to my masterpiece and hung it up about three feet high on her bedroom door.
So I would say I am halfway to getting a GOOD nights sleep.
I can't wait.



In other news, I was very happy to see the most delicious orange juice on the planet for sale at Albertsons (it really is "my store.") I wish there was not a limit of 2.
Also we had a delightful weekend in St. David, AZ visiting the in laws for Conference weekend. I neglected to take any pictures because well, I kind of stayed in my pajamas all weekend and it was too much work to get the camera out of the suit case.
We had a terrific time though just relaxing, enjoying the cooler weather, Don's parents, and listening to words of wisdom via satellite.
And we are refreshed, renewed and ready to take on Chloe and the case of the too many people in a bed issue.
That is all.